Quote of the day :)

She did not believe that she could ever stop hating Nicky and Lee, until her pastor told her that when God was going to do something wonderful, it started with something hard, and when God was going to do something exquisite, He or She started with an impossibility.

Anne Lamott, Blue Shoe

I love presents!

I'm not much of a holiday gift giver. Yes, I may give you something for your birthday or for Christmas if it's already in my stash, but mostly I'm an everyday gift giver. I love giving presents so freakin' much - sometimes I can't stand it. I get giddy and smiley and I am so excited until the moment. Today I found the greatest thing, and I'm testing it out right now, and I'm dying to text the person to tell them that I got them an amazing present and I don't know how long I'll be able to wait to give it to them (no, it's not for you, or you, or you).

I don't think I really came into my own as a gift-giver until adulthood. I mean, I've always had the skill, the unusual talent, but I don't think that I appreciated how awesome it was, or realized how awesome it might be for other people until I'd reached my early twenties. I went through a period of time of giving lots of money away secretively. That was fun, and maybe too extravagant for that time in my life, but I did it. I gave lots of money to various ministries I supported and causes I believed in. Sometimes I gave because I felt like I had to (i.e. "God loves a cheerful giver"), but over time, I've stopped giving for that reason.

I was taught to tithe to the church, and I struggle with that. I thought that God would give me everything I needed, and then I would tithe out of that. But when I started to not have enough, I stopped giving to the church. Maybe my financial dire straights (not really dire, just full of debt) are due to this, to my lack of faith. But then I think back to all the times I gave so much to people in need, out of my own abundance, and wish that I could somehow receive that back in kind. Money is funny. That's all I'll say.

I might last another 24 hours. This thing is so perfect, I can't stand it.

Fun folks of the week :)

Original Vintage Watercolor :)

1. Grandma with teenager: It's raining for the first time in ages and the thrift store is so full, there's some sort of "valet" parking in the lot. A grandmother and grandchild wander through the store following an employee, asking if she can cut them a deal on a blazer. "I'm on a fixed income!" the grandmother keeps saying, over and over and over again. It starts to make me ill. The employee is so great about it. "Ma'am, you can come in for a few hours, and we give you $17 worth of clothing credit." It's actually a super good deal. You can do it for food credit too. They have all kinds of different ways to help people.

2. Man in vest: A man in slacks and button down with tie, all under a fleece vest, with an employee tag on a lanyard around his neck. He looks like a person with a job who is wandering Salvation Army on a break. But he won't stop talking, exclaiming loudly over the prices. "Can you believe this?!" shouted to anyone nearby. This last for about ten minutes, and an employee starts to follow him and laughing-shout at him, "You need a meeting! Go to a meeting! You need to go to a meeting right now!" It was like Abbott and Costello: pure comedy. Who even knows what kind of meeting this guy needed to go to.

3. Tiny Superman: A 3-4 year old boy runs through the thrift store in a superman costume that's too big for him with a huge smile on his face. I couldn't help but grin at him :)

Facebook lamenting...

Set from Jahreszeiten, design by Susanne Dolker

I have friends on Facebook who lament. I try to lament as little as possible, because the responses are just underwhelming. No one has anything really meaningful to say, because Facebook isn't an inherently meaningful thing. Real person-to-person interaction is best for coping, in my opinion. Even Skyping doesn't do it for me. There is still distance in the conversation.

So when people lament, I try to be as encouraging and empathetic as possible. People lament in public because they want to be heard. They want to be seen. They don't need to hear how "It will all be better someday" or "Silly you. Be positive! Nothing is as bad as you think it is." Those kinds of responses are meant to send encouragement, but I find that they make the lamenter even more angry, because the deep unspoken fear is realized on screen - no one understands.

This is a reminder to myself to be supportive to those who are looking for support, to avoid rubbing people's faces in their own pain.

See you later :)

Celebrate good times, come on!

Vintage Tiki Hula Girl Boob Mug from Harvey's

I've spent the morning researching PhD programs outside of California. Those non-resident fees are astronomical! Don't bother getting a PhD without getting a research or teaching assistant position, which will likely give you automatic resident status and give you a stipend or scholarship in return.

I don't want to be a "doctor" per se, but I continue to run into the reality that I think in a research/clinical way, and my work does not particularly allow me to pursue these things actively. I love to research and write. I don't necessarily want to do tests on people, or rats, or monkeys. I just want to write about the thoughts in my head. I think that's a reasonable goal for a doctoral program - Dear Dean of Admissions, I'm brilliant and I need to share it with the world. Please accept me. You won't regret it. You'll be happy you did.

I tried to do this as a seventeen-year-old applying to the honors program at my university. It didn't work out so well. It made sense to me, but I guess they diagnosed me with narcissism, and threw the essay away. I'm struggling a lot with self-doubt right now, and will be spending the next two weeks trying to work through that. I don't think I want to go back to school. I think I just want to go to Montana, and meet some lumberjack with a thick beard who will appreciate my intellect, and write poems about trees.

Actually, I'm less interested in men than I ever have been. It's pretty wonderful. I highly recommend it. I think I've dealt with some issues surrounding my feelings of inadequacy about being single. Or maybe I'm just pretending. Who knows?

Anyhoo, good to have you. Please come again :)

Sales tax legislation.

Unpainted Ceramic Napkin Holder From JayKay Molds - Cool, huh?

Dear [Congressperson],

I am a small business owner with an online presence. I collect sales tax as currently required.

The current federal legislation on the line re. online sales tax collection would require me to collect sales tax from each individual based on their personal state rate. This would make my business impossible to run.

I am happy to collect sales tax to reduce unfair bias in the online marketplace. If there were to be a federal online sales tax which was siphoned directly to the federal government, I could maintain my business, and the government would receive its share.

Please vote 'no' on the current bill. It will kill small businesses which are helping individuals to maintain solvency in a still-wasting economy.

Thank you,

[Your name here]

Megan's Thrift Hotline :)

Vintage Better Homes & Gardens Magazine: Fun Outdoor Play Structures :)

Wouldn't it be great if there were a thrift store hotline for your city/area? You could call it if you were looking for something specific, and then make a more direct route to your goal. Some places are just not good "vintage" places. Some places have no jewelry. My hotline will be popular because it will save people time and it will make secondhand goods more accessible because they'll be easier to find. Or I'll just say "check eBay". Sometimes that really is your best bet. Thrifting is a consummate art.

I was thinking of this today whilst thrifting, and some cops came looking for watches. I pointed them in a better direction only to find a farmer (i.e. overalls) looking for "a 1920s suit" ten minutes later. He also needed pointing in the right direction, but in that instance, I didn't want to intervene, reminding myself that sometimes I need to mind my own business. Well, most of the time.

I've been acting like a turd lately, a real ass hat, a tool. I'm trying to stop doing that, to stop apologizing for it, and to just keep being better in general. I fail a lot, fall down a lot, and generally just get into ruts and feel stuck. I keep thinking that I've reached some state of adulthood where I stop making stupid mistakes, saying the absolute wrong thing, and pressing send when I'm angry. But being 30 does not an adult make. Being an adult requires hard work, determination, and a hell of a lot of humility. Unfortunately, I'm oftentimes missing the latter.

Peace out.

Rummage Sale Planning - Part 3

Very unique vintage square dance skirt - just sold :)

When I was in college, I was really interested in event planning as a career. So I got into large-scale athletic events, events that get planned all year long, take a lot of human power and time, and are fun to participate in. I ended up on my knees one year in San Francisco, taking ankle monitors off of hundreds of open-water swimmers as they came out of the water, freezing and exhilarated. That was a good hair day, the last one I can remember clearly. I think it was the salty sea air.

Rummage sale planning is very different. There isn't a lot of "planning" that I'm able to do on my own. I have the idea. I execute the idea. People come alongside me to help, and somehow it happens. If I were more organized, I imagine the sale would be more organized. I don't know how to make that happen. I'm sure that other people do. For the time being, people will bring things to church this week, I will spend Thursday and Friday organizing the donations, and several hours on Saturday trying to sell it all. That may not be enough for some people, but it's enough for me.

Last night, while running an errand for a friend, I happened to pass by one of my favorite burrito places. The sign was down and the place was empty. I haven't eaten there in months. I guess unbeknownst to me, I'd been keeping them in business ;)

Rummage sale planning - Part 1

Your ultimate dream: parent-child matching costumes.

I wish I had a delivery boy who brought me sandwiches from Whole Foods on weekends, or any evening really. I was at Whole Foods last night getting groceries, and wishing that I was home in a prone position. Sometimes I think people need to get married so that they split up these kinds of things. I swear I talk to so many women whose husbands cook and clean, and I do not know how this all goes down. It's a mystery to me. I tend to be more traditional, hands in hot soapy water washing dishes, making broccoli pesto for dinner, etc. There are just certain things I don't like to do, and sometimes these things keep me from doing things I would enjoy doing.

[Insert rummage sale here]. So I am currently organizing a rummage sale, to be held at my church, to raise money for Syrian refugees. I found myself getting too caught up in the minutiae of my own life, took a step back, and realized that I needed to be more productive, and generally whine less.

I did the same thing a couple years ago, but it stressed me out so much that I swore I'd never do it again. Now I'm just trying to stay chill, let things happen, and not agonize over the details. I don't know if it's working. I'll let you know.

Way more play...

Made in France! Who knew they loved self-help books?

This guy kept passing me in the aisles today making weird noises, almost like clicking, but not quite. The first time it happened, I figured I was hearing something. The second time, I figured out what was happening, and it did not feel good.

Maybe it's my terrible hair making me more approachable; maybe it's my ever-present smile scowl - but I've been getting way more play in thrift stores lately. Even the female employees are becoming more friendly, and I talk to them about things other than thrift! Isn't that cool? I'm becoming an almost friendly person, perhaps even likeable. Or maybe it's because I shower regularly and have all my teeth. Meh, it's a crapshoot, really.

I'm so into mugs right now. It's a thing. Usually my thing is food-related, but not currently. I can't even remember the last time I ate a burrito. Now how weird is that?

Life is pretty awesome, after all.

These vintage 3D latch hook kits are awesome :)

Sorrow prepares you for joy. It violently sweeps everything out of your house, so that new joy can find space to enter. It shakes the yellow leaves from the bough of your heart, so that fresh, green leaves can grow in their place. It pulls up the rotten roots, so that new roots hidden beneath have room to grow. Whatever sorrow shakes from your heart, far better things will take their place.

Rumi

Everything in my life is so crazy and mixed up at the moment that all I can do is laugh and smile, and listen to songs on repeat.

Life takes some sharp twists and turns sometimes, but in the end, somehow, everything will be okay. Somehow, in the midst of neurological craziness, and health problems up the wang, and emotional overload, and missing people like crazy, it just stops mattering. Somehow, I'm alive and loved and I have joy in my life, so I really can't complain. And I'm gonna celebrate by wearing my favorite red pants tonight, so y'all can look forward to that.

So no complaints. Life is pretty awesome :)

Haiti relief: Parte Deux

Stoneware mugs made in Romania - Eastern Europe, hollah!

Sometimes I get a pain in my chest when I wish that I could do something that I cannot do, and it usually has to do with helping someone, or teaching someone something. When I have that special moment of realization that I cannot control other people, or change them, or teach them adequately what no one but Life has taught me, I sit in a pool of sorrow, with the chest pain.

The world can be a horrible, awful place. And in my life, I have seen a lot of that awfulness, and I've had to reconcile with it, look it in the face and acknowledge that it exists. This has made me the awesome person that I am today, but it also makes me like eighty-years-old. And I walk around with this knowledge every day, hoping that I could save people from it, save them from war, and murder, and rape, and incest, and the deep lasting wounds in families and people that last for generations. I wish I could save people from ever knowing, because it's an awful thing, this knowing.

But it is in the knowing (about all the bad awfulness) that true peace and understanding can be found, where that inability to control that we all have, can be accepted and owned, and truly felt deep down in our bones.

When we try to spare others from pain, sometimes it backfires, and our best intentions are like water in a bucket full of holes. Sometimes the best things we can do for one another, are to stand in solidarity, to acknowledge pain, and to comfort those who mourn.

Too abstract? Whatever. Peace out mofos :)

Why does life suck?

Um, because not all shoes are red?

Siamo angeli con una sola ala: possiamo volare soltanto abbracciati.

Luciano de Crescenzo

Someone asked me this question this morning, at the ungodly hour of "before breakfast", and I think it's appropriate for me, who is now in the process of eating breakfast (at my desk, quite happily) to answer the question, now having the adequate blood glucose level to form whole words and sentences (exceptionally long ones, it would seem).

I think that, more often than not, it behooves us to acknowledge the "suckiness" of life, to admit that disease and war and hate exist, and that each of us, in our own way(s), lives each day carrying the remnants of these past and present realities.

It's okay to accept that life is shitty. Sometimes I think that the only reason I am able to see true beauty, is because I can recognize how rare and special it truly is.

Much love to all :)

Have you spoken to a child lately?

Like really, seriously and intentionally, had a conversation with a child? Children, who I often refer to as aliens in this world (because everything is new to them), are extraordinarily brave and authentic. I often feel thankful when I remember that I spend a lot of my days working one-on-one with children, children who want to be heard and seen. And it seems like such a small thing, my entrance into their lives, such a small, insignificant thing.

But then I remember how I saw adults who took time for me when I was young. The smallest things changed me. When I was about nine years old, a friend of the family picked me up unexpectedly from ballet. I don't even recall why, but she was going to take me to her house where I'd wait for my parents to pick me up. And on the way home, we stopped by this little burger stand and she got me a burger and fries, and for some inexplicable reason, this seemed like a magical gift to me.

I'll never forget that moment, and how I later felt when she died, that she had seen me in this really sharp, powerful way, and gave me something to hold onto when life continued to be rough. I think that maybe, deep down (because I'm tearing up right now, just thinking about it), she really cared, and somehow, deep down, I could feel that. So every time I see a child, I know how important it is for me to see them, and acknowledge them, that small things that seem insignificant to me, might seem huge and life-changing to them, and I won't let those precious moments go by wasted.

Anyhow, thoughts of the day. Peace out :)

Theology...blah, blah, blah

I presented my senior paper for the second time this morning. It's about the theology of place and how land and places and buildings and dirt can be knit into our souls. Blah, blah, blah. I reread parts of it last night, and became fairly convinced that I was stoned when I wrote it.

I kept thinking about people though, this morning, when I was sitting on that step stool looking all smart and shit. I kept thinking about the people that are knit into my soul, the people that feel like home to me. I had to stop myself from talking about things that I shouldn't have been talking about though, because there were only 45min, and I could have talked for hours about the places and people in my own soul, and the love and commitment found therein. My own brain is scattered with all the houses I've ever lived in.

I know I've talked about this before, but it's been hitting me in a whole new way, this idea that other people change us fundamentally, and that we cannot truly leave another person. We may not speak to a person for ages, but some people really do leave marks on us, proof that they were there. And to be sure, some people naturally leave deeper marks than others: parents, childhood friends, first loves, siblings. Good, bad, it's all there. There are some people you will just love forever (or hate forever, if you choose to do so).

Peace out :)

Things I'm thankful for :)

1. Dogs - especially ones who whine ecstatically when they see me
2. Men who like big words - mostly because it means they're not afraid of me
3. Doctors - especially those who trust me
4. Art - because where would we be without really great nudes?
5. Insulin - cuz it's awesome; you should try it sometime
6. My poems - especially since I don't show them to anyone anymore
7. My job - because I love it, and I'm really good at it
8. Natalie Merchant - playing in my car all month
9. Rainer Maria Rilke - who always inspires me
10. All of the wonderful, brilliant, interesting people in my life - I love you all

I say "oh dear lord" a lot.

Makes you wanna go outside and ride a bike, don' it?

Today was the one day a month that I wash my sheets, clean my bathroom, wash dishes, and go to estate sales. Yeah, I'm a boss like that. Anyhow, I bought nothing at the sales that I went to. High prices + houses full of grief = Ack! Get me outta here!

In one sale that I went to, they made sure I knew that they had had things appraised. They wanted me to know that as I looked through the jewelry, they knew how much it was worth, and they weren't going to let scary 'ol me cheat them out of any money they were owed. Yikes. There was a palpable feeling in the house, a feeling of anger. And I walked out the front door, I heard one woman mention her mother who had died, and whose belongings they were hawking selling.

Suddenly, it all made sense, the feeling in the house, and I was reminded of how important it is to not get yourself into situations where you're hanging on too tight to things, when what you really want to hang on to are people (or in some cases, dogs).

So yeah, life lesson of the day.

Getting S done.

Having a new job has made me really tired and discombobulated, making me less focused and able to purchase inventory. This is problematic, not because my shop hasn't been making any money, but because the summer bump in inventory can only last so long before it all sells and I'm back to eating oatmeal three meals a day.

So this week, I've been better, intentionally. I've made myself purchase things, even though it takes up-front money, which I don't have much of. It also means waiting in line for 30min. on Sunday afternoon because the whole store is 50% off, and every mother in the neighborhood is buying her children's fall wardrobe, little ones in tow.

But today, I am working hard, photographing and listing, because it needs to be done, and I'm the only one doing it.

Peace out :)

You crazy!

Oh dear. I'm at the children's hospital thrift store, when a female volunteer starts talking to me, telling me about the sale racks. For whatever reason, in close spaces, I don't like to be approached by strangers telling me things that I can find out by looking at the signs, but whatever.

Then she starts following another woman, picking out clothes for her, telling her how cute she would look in this top, "It's a Small! You're tiny!" Then she returned to the cash register and began to watch me as I wandered through the store. Every time I looked her way, there she was, staring at me. It was creepy. And it wasn't smiley. It was stonefaced, maybe-she-thinks-I'm-going-to-steal-something, staring.

This same store has signs all over, saying, "DON"T STEAL! YOU ARE STEALING FROM CHILDREN, SICK CHILDREN!!!!!!!!" I don't know why I keep going back, but I do.

Terracycle.

Over the summer, I found a company called Terracycle, and at first I thought, "this is a sham - after all, I did click on an ad from Facebook to get here". But the more I looked at it, the more I realized that, underneath the kitschy products that look like they were made for tweens (e.g. purses made of Fritos bags), there was a real campaign to eliminate waste.

At my school, in the copy room/mail room/supply room, there are easy-to-see boxes that collect receipts for a local grocery store that donates to the school, then there is a bag that holds those (what are they called?) Box Tops for Education. They're easy to use, and that makes me remember to use them.

Blah, blah, blah. The point I'm working towards (very poorly), is that our schools are places where kids are. And kids need things to do and be excited about. In my city, trash is a pretty big industry, and this program provides a way to both recycle things that would otherwise just sit in landfills, and helps to create and sustain a culture of recycling.