Thrift Share Monday :)

Vintage New Kids On The Block sleeping bag :)

I've been thrifting like a fiend lately, thrifting good art, bad art, pants, dresses, vintage shoes, and everything in between. I have a big pile of packages in my front room, ready to be sent out today. I haven't been blogging because I've had nothing to say. I've been housesitting and reading good books, swimming and combing warehouses for new and interesting things for my shop. But I need to be back out on the blogging scene again. I need to write, and find reasons to write. I need to work on my novel that I began over the summer (maybe none of this will happen, but I will at least post pictures of my finds).

I would like to post daily over the next month or so, to increase visibility to the reality of Syria and the needs of Syrian refugees. Please take a moment to read up on the most recent news, and donate to Mennonite Central Committee. MCC works to supply the basic needs of Syrian refugees through food, shelter, and the education of children. They are currently working towards raising $1.5M.

Thrift store conversations.

You can be a mommy, beauty queen, cowgirl, artist, nurse...

Two female thrift store employees, one seasoned (always acting like a know-it-all), one a newbie (with Megan's internal monologue).

Seasoned: So you're in school?

Newbie: Yeah, I'm going to [local community college].

Seasoned: What's your major?

Newbie: Oh well, I dunno. I'm really not sure what I'm doing. What's your major?

Seasoned: Oh! Psychology. I love it. Dear God no!!!

Newbie: Oh! I want to look into that. No no no no no no no!!!

Seasoned: Oh, it's great. You should take a couple classes and see what you think. Um, no, you should choose a major that will get you an actual paying job so you can pay off your loans.

Newbie: Yeah, but what jobs can you even get with a degree in psychology? None, run away now. Get a degree in engineering. Math classes, physics, etc. Do it. Do it now.

Seasoned: Oh! So many. You can be a psych tech in a hospital. Um, no one does that in California dear. Or you can do research, or you can, well, there are a lot of things you can do. I'm going to be a counselor, like in a school.

Newbie: Oh, how long do you go to school for that? Um, a really long time. And you'll go into a lot of debt, honey. Get an employable degree.

Seasoned: Oh, you can get a masters degree, but you don't have to. Um, yes you do. In order to be employed, you absolutely do.

At this point, Megan has to leave, as to avoid getting into a conversation with twenty-year-olds wherein she acts like a crazy person, eavesdropping and interrupting. Crazy moment averted. Score.

Haiti relief: Parte Deux

Stoneware mugs made in Romania - Eastern Europe, hollah!

Sometimes I get a pain in my chest when I wish that I could do something that I cannot do, and it usually has to do with helping someone, or teaching someone something. When I have that special moment of realization that I cannot control other people, or change them, or teach them adequately what no one but Life has taught me, I sit in a pool of sorrow, with the chest pain.

The world can be a horrible, awful place. And in my life, I have seen a lot of that awfulness, and I've had to reconcile with it, look it in the face and acknowledge that it exists. This has made me the awesome person that I am today, but it also makes me like eighty-years-old. And I walk around with this knowledge every day, hoping that I could save people from it, save them from war, and murder, and rape, and incest, and the deep lasting wounds in families and people that last for generations. I wish I could save people from ever knowing, because it's an awful thing, this knowing.

But it is in the knowing (about all the bad awfulness) that true peace and understanding can be found, where that inability to control that we all have, can be accepted and owned, and truly felt deep down in our bones.

When we try to spare others from pain, sometimes it backfires, and our best intentions are like water in a bucket full of holes. Sometimes the best things we can do for one another, are to stand in solidarity, to acknowledge pain, and to comfort those who mourn.

Too abstract? Whatever. Peace out mofos :)

Change is scary...

When we are no longer able to change a situation – we are challenged to change ourselves.

Viktor E. Frankl

I saw some Oprah thing recently, Oprah's therapist-guru-friend, Iyanla Vanzant, goes to some woman's house and confronts her in her kitchen about her "racket" and how she's a "hustler". It was weird. But it also stuck with me, so this is what I've been thinking about (after the minute of footage that I saw, so this is obviously my own opinion, and probably nowhere near her therapeutic method - fyi).

Some people work incredibly hard to keep from getting real help. They manipulate, and complain, and victimize themselves to avoid getting help, to avoid confronting the things that they've done and the things that have been done to them. It's nasty ugly stuff to watch, but it's also addictive, this vicious cycle of "Help me! Go away!" One can get lost in the circular logic.

I don't know how to stop people from doing this. But I think it might have something to do with accepting that life will not change, and that we must.

Peace out :)

Breathe in...breathe out...

All 26 poses in the Bikram series :)

Oh man. I've really been struggling the past couple days. I've become overwhelmed by the amount of pain and suffering in the world, the constant horror stories I'm privy to. I know I can't save anyone. I know it's not my job to fix anyone else's problems. But it weighs on my soul in a way that feels like I can't breathe, and it almost feels better not to breathe, but then I get really really tired and I want to lie down and die.

This feeling makes sense to me because of Bikram. I've noticed that it often feels better in some poses to stop breathing, because breathing necessitates moving, and makes me more likely to fall down. But one has to breathe in order to get through the whole series. You might be able to get through a pose or two without breathing, but then you're too wiped out, and have to sit down. I get dizzy when I stop breathing. So I have to consciously breathe, six counts in, six counts out. Sometimes it hurts to breathe. I don't know why. But you have to breathe.

So breathing feels like dying, but won't actually kill you, and not breathing feels better, but might kill you. Quite the paradox, no? Somehow there is a psychological profundity in there, but I can't find it. Whatever it is, it isn't a pleasant thought.

Image retrieved at: http://theguiltlesslife.files.wordpress.com/2012/03/bikram.jpg

In the Name of the Father

Today, we are told that the killings in Syria have again crossed the lines of the imagination. People are being killed execution-style in their homes and safe houses, and government officials say that each and every person was killed as a part of a terrorist sweep.

War changes people. I've seen it in my own life. It creates mental illness in numbers too large to imagine, and it's so ugly, all most of us can do is turn our eyes away so we don't have to see the ugliness. People who are tortured, people who see their friends murdered - these people are forever changed. This is why soldiers returning from the Middle East commit crazy crimes, and kill themselves. They are terribly wounded by what they've seen, and what they've done. War brings out the worst in all of us, and we pass the worst parts of ourselves on to our children, and our children's children.

Peace is difficult. It is painful and sacrificial. But it is the only way we can survive without killing our own souls. It's the only way we can create a world that is worth living in, a world that is fit to give to our children.

That's all I have for today folks. You can help Syrian refugees in tangible, practical ways by giving to Mennonite Central Committee, who provides material resources to refugees in Jordan.

What I want :)

To know me is to know I love cake :)

So in an effort to evidence my desire to want more, here is what I've come up with. While I understand that these things may not all occur, I still want them to. So this is what I wrote the day I decided to start wanting things.

I want a house, with a kitchen, a kitchen window and counter space
I want to write a book, a whole book, and then another, and then another
I want sons who climb trees and get into trouble - I don't want a television
I want to learn Spanish
I want to go to Slovenia - I want to live in Slovenia, learn the language, write my book
I want to tell my mother how she hurt me, and let her know that I forgive her
I want to hike the John Muir trail
I want to do a headstand and the splits
I want to take a Northern California thrifting tour
I want to see Lori McKenna with Amy for my birthday
I want to go to the annual San Francisco library book sale
I want to visit my friends in Canada, and in Kansas, and in Switzerland
I want to go to an art conference in New Mexico
I want to go to Vista Academy to see my tile

Another day, I will explain all of these, but not today. Peace out.

Want is a terrible thing.

I wasn't much of a Barbie girl...my poor mother laments this

“[S]he believed that the Buddhists were right – that if you want, you will suffer; if you love, you will grieve.”

-Anne Lamott, Crooked Little Heart

Last week, in between watching the Olympics, reading Jane Austen, and hangin' with the dogs, I thought about some stuff. I generally try not to think too much, since I'm neurotic and thinking too much all the time anyway, but sometimes it's necessary to sit in silence and work to untangle some things in your brain. I probably have done a lot of thinking this summer, since I had no time to think the previous year. Perhaps the thoughts just backed up in my brain, and had to be processed one by one, like items on a conveyer belt coming out my ears.

When I was a kid, I didn't want things. I just didn't. I learned at an early age that wanting was futile, that it only brought pain, and that it was just easier to avoid it entirely. But when things started to happen that were outside of my control - I fell in love, and didn't know what to do about it - I was faced with the question, "How does a person want and not want, love and avoid, all at the same time?" After all those years of not-wanting, the feeling of want became unbearable, so uncomfortable, and I got stuck between the two, not being able to choose either one.

So I've decided to want things, and unfortunately (oh boy), wanting means suffering. Wanting inevitably means not having, not getting. And at some point, I might get the things that I want, the big things, or maybe I'll get different things, things that are better for me than the things I want (thank you, Mick Jagger). But I'm tired of believing that I don't deserve the things that other people have, that for whatever reason I deserve less because I am less.

Oh geez, sometimes I sound like a makeup commercial.

What to do in the heat

Palazzo Pant Jumpsuit - Oh to have the energy to make!

1. Put a fan directly facing you
2. Move slowly - Talk with volunteers at thrift stores
3. Take an afternoon nap/siesta (I like to listen to talk radio)
4. Hydrate regularly (Factor in excess sweating)
5. Expect less of yourself (and others)
6. Exercise early in the morning, or late in the evening
7. Write more: Letters, emails, poems, stories
8. Read more: World news, fiction, non-fiction
9. Forgive quickly (heat psychosis is rampant)
10. Listen to folk music on Pandora (Emmylou Harris, baby!)

To do list :)

Things to do in the near future:

1. Become less fearful of actual human contact
2. Give couch to friend's friend who needs a couch
3. Get comfy chairs for living room
4. Kill all weeds in backyard (never gonna happen)
5. Fill holes in drywall
6. Finish year-end paperwork for good
7. Wash car, inside and out
8. Trim bush outside front door
9. Install outdoor shade
10. Organize inventory (constantly happening)

Too busy to care

My idea of Hell is to be young again.

- Marge Piercy

As I get older, I find that life is never what I expect it to be. It is always more difficult. It is always more complicated. This past week, I have found myself at an end I've never experienced before, some sort of emotional place I didn't know existed, where life can be physically exhausting, and still continue. I can be more tired than I've ever been before, but still go to work, and still be good at my job.

Everyone is limited. We are human. But to choose to live in that imperfect humanness, accepting all of one's faults and limitations, allows us to be who we were truly meant to be. For me, that means that I am less able to be "on" than other people I know. I have less energy to give than other people I know. And every effort I make to fight that reality just puts me further behind.

Today, I didn't go to church. I felt guilty. There are things I need to take care of, and people expecting me to take care of those things. But I only have what I have. I can only give what I am able to give. The past few weeks have opened me up to a new reality of understanding what people mean when they say that the older they get, the less they care about what other people think. Older people also say that they like themselves more than they did when they were younger.

It's way better being a grown-up.

Thrift Share Monday :)

 

I've bought several pairs of vintage Florsheim men's shoes in the past month. I was initially looking for a new revenue source, and looked for what brands were selling well, and I noticed that I wasn't purchasing vintage men's shoes. I'd been focusing on women's shoes. Here's a look at what I'd been missing.

I've found that good photos are key to selling vintage shoes. The more photos, the better. Remember how much you appreciate the experience of touching the items you buy in a store. I think that research is key here. The same shoe can be listed, but only one sells. Why? Sometimes, it's just dumb luck. But most of the time, in my humble unlearn-ed opinion, it's because of the research that goes on before the item is listed.

For example, I found a website with all of the Florsheim styles and their names. Of course, now that I want to give it to you, I can't find it for the life of me. It's okay though, because I looked through 500 styles and didn't find the one I was looking for.

I have really started to pay attention to how I personally react (thought-wise) to how people are dressed. It ain't pretty. I have less respect for people who aren't dressed well, regardless of who they are. It got me to thinking that school uniforms are pretty important. When you feel good about how you look, you act differently. The social concept of dress is important. In Brazil, you did not go out, "into town", without your best clothes on, ever. How often do I walk out of my house looking less than my best? I haven't washed my hair in five days.

In sum, you'll feel better with a nice pair of long-lasting shoes.

Linking up with Apron Thrift Girl.

I make a bad first impression.

I am in a rut today. I got some feedback from an eBay customer that was not very favorable, and I'm taking it to heart, but for a good reason.

I'm wondering if I need to pay more attention to the way I package my items. Honestly, I don't really think about the way it looks as much as I do about the safety of the item. "Is it going to break?"-that's the only question I ask. Who cares if it doesn't look pretty? I'm not trying to win a shipping beauty contest. But then I started thinking, what if the customer really is always right, and that I should make a bigger deal about shipping?

I guess "The Recycling Ethic" means that I use what's available. I see it as a pioneer activity. I'm not just trying to run a a business-this is a way of life for me, and I want to reflect that in the way I operate. Unfortunately, I think that this looks like laziness to people who only have a single interaction with me.

So that's where I'm at. I am challenged, and I think that this interaction has given me an opportunity to grow. It's uncomfortable, as always. And I have to mediate the self-hatred with the desire for growth, which is quite the balancing act.

If you have any pointers, I'd sure love to hear them. Also, if you have any ideas about how I can be frugal, thrifty, not wasteful, and at the same time aethetically pleasing, that would be awesome.

"Stay classy, San Diego."

It just don't get better...

I'm an idealist without illusions.

John Fitzgerald Kennedy

Ah, the good old days...

Genuine politics -- even politics worthy of the name -- the only politics I am willing to devote myself to -- is simply a matter of serving those around us: serving the community and serving those who will come after us. Its deepest roots are moral because it is a responsibility expressed through action, to and for the whole. - Vaclav Havel