No money to burn.

Hmong Embroidered Wall Hanging - I've seen them framed :)

One of my frequented stores has reorganized lately. I was disoriented for a brief moment when the shoes weren't in their usual spot, but I got over it. I found a lovely vintage blue lace dress. It had a matching jacket sold separately, but the jacket had some food on it, so I didn't buy it.

It's a beautiful dress - I might just wear it if I have a nice event to attend :)

This particular store calls their employees/volunteers "disciples", and when they call them for lunch they say, "All disciples, it's time for lunch. Disciples, it's time for lunch." over the loudspeaker, and I smile whenever I hear it. Whenever I'm at the Salvation Army, if I ask any employee how they're doing, they say "blessed". I've heard it so often, I've stopped believing it and started saying, "really?"

I found three beautiful dresses yesterday at another store, and only ended up buying one, a lime green linen dress from Talbots. I'll wear it to work. I've accumulated a whole set of colored linen dresses for work. It's quite lovely to see them hung on my wall (I don't have a closet). I didn't buy the other two, because I didn't have anywhere to wear them, and it seemed inappropriate and decadent to buy dresses I didn't need. Also, I don't have money to burn, so it's really about that more than anything else.

Please take a moment to read the most recent news about Syria, and consider making a donation to MCC, currently providing direct aid to Syrian refugees.

Your fake.

Fake Hermes Belt from the Salvation Army - so, so fake

I haven't been blog writing, but I have been writing writing, just in case anyone is worried that I'm lying in a puddle of my own vomit or something. I'm okay. I had a hard month of July, but I'm on the other side, and I'm feeling fine.

I bought a fake Hermes belt yesterday. I was feeling lucky, so I bought it (for a dollar, so I have no regret). Sometimes I do things like this: last second purchases, impulse buys. And these are often my best sellers. Instinct is a powerful thing. But this "Hermes" belt didn't have a "made in France" marking, or even a "Hermes" marking on the belt itself, so I should have known better.

I still don't own a smart phone, and am often surrounded by people who do. Sometimes I feel a twinge of jealousy. But then I remember that I have a brain, and am quite content using it to its full extent. I've chosen not to have a smart phone because it's too decadent for my humble income, but also because it would totally get in the way of the therapeutic meditation thrift provides for me, the non-technological part of me that needs to hunt.

Anyhow, purchases like these bring me back to reality, remind me to slow down, enjoy the process, buy less. Sometimes I need a reminder. It's good thing :)

A new shop?

Finished Vintage Paragon Stitchery :)

I especially love finding beautiful wall hangings, vintage art for someone to buy and delight over its uniqueness. I've found several small oil paintings that customers have enjoyed. And these things are fun for me to sell, because I know (or imagine) that they will be used and benefit someone with their beauty. I'm high-minded, if nothing else.

Both my Etsy and eBay shops have been cluttered with random things for most of their existence. Yes, I have things that I do more frequently (e.g. vintage ties, mugs, shoes), but for the most part, there is no rhyme or reason. The Recycleista, a thrifty blogger, recently opened a new shop with a specific theme (vintage papers), and it occurred to me that I am capable of doing the same. I too can hone in a little more, make a niche through what I already do, and offer it up to the masses in kind. The thing that has stood in my way has been an insecurity about what I sell, or perhaps an insecurity about myself as a person in general.

Anyhoo, I am thinking about it. It might just mean that I wait until summer arrives fully, or that I develop a better stash than I do today. I think that I'd like for it to be original art (in theory), though items like the above are also quite lovely.

Thoughts?

Whiskey :)

Vintage Milk Glass "Bar" Light Globe

I'm a minimalist in a lot of ways. I buy my clothes second hand. I live in a garage. I don't own a smart phone (I know, I'm practically Amish, right?). I also don't drink, or at least, I haven't in a very long time. But in the past year or so, ever since I graduated, I've imbibed more than usual, and now I can say that I probably drink a few times a month, three tops.

I'm pretty picky - I want something hard. One day, I just decided, I want whiskey. I don't know where this came from. I mean, I'm not an expert or anything. Last week, I was at a bar, and I ordered a glass of whiskey. Bartender asks what kind. I say, "whatever". This was an insufficient response. So something in my soul/body/mind wants whiskey, but has no idea what whiskey is. How strange is that?

Anyhow, I now lump this newfound love of simple drinking to the other pile of simple things I do, not because I'm special, but because I'm easily overwhelmed. And with summer coming, and only my shop to sustain me, I'm becoming more overwhelmed. But I'm going to be okay, not because life isn't difficult, or everything will turn out well, but because I myself am okay. I myself am well. And I myself can handle whatever difficulty comes my way. And whiskey is not a help or aid for that. It's like a fun amusement along the way :)

I guess I'll make do.

I've talked about finally selling the bike. Well, here she is, in all her glory :)

So being "thrifty" or "frugal" or, I dunno, drawn to simplicity, means that you'll probably come across things in your life that you want or need that you don't have access to. Or maybe you've lived in the West all your life, and this concept is foreign to you (you probably aren't reading my fascist commie blog then). But just as I am drawn to apocalyptic television (um, BBC's Surviviors? Fantastic), I am drawn to the idea of making more with less.

Well, sometimes this is not about making chocolate chip cookies with 100% whole wheat flour (which I've done - bleh), or riding your bike when you sold your car (thus the above bike being in my possession), but about relationships being imperfect and going without the things you want and need. I wish this weren't the case. I wish I weren't an idiot a lot of the time, and instead, said and did the right thing at the right time. I wish it weren't so difficult to repair the damage I've done with things I say. But instead, I have to make do with what I've done. I have to accept that life is imperfect, and I'm imperfect, and sometimes (most of the time), I use the wrong ingredient in the cookies, and I say "sure whatever" when I should be saying "I love you".

Making do with who you are, and what you're capable of at any given moment, is a painful thing, because it means not hating yourself, but at the same time being hopeful that things can and will be different someday, which is painfully challenging.

So, um, yeah...

Macaroni & Cheese

I'm thinking about getting myself a personal masseuse :)

So I'm sitting here drinking wine. I can't remember the last time I bought alcohol with the intent to actually drink it, but here I am, quite happy.

Last year, at the end of the day, it was sometimes hard to go to yoga (maybe it'll get more difficult when dumb daylight savings happens) after work, but I'm starting to need it to get through the day with enough energy to do another one tomorrow. I've got to hand it to the annoying adults in my life; I really didn't know what was coming. Being whole and present all the time is awesome, but it also means that I have to get up every morning and go to work. I have to show up every day, the same way I did the day before. It can get old after a while, the sameness of it.

My childhood made me very comfortable with chaos, with freaking out about little things. But now, there is no room to flip out about the little things. I have to spare my energy for the important things, the people in need, and my own health. So when I had health insurance troubles for the umpteenth time this afternoon, I didn't have room to lose it. I had to keep moving forward, keep going to meetings, keep doing my job, keep being constant and stable.

But after all of that, I went to yoga, and admitted to everyone that yes, I was feeling "poo poo" about everything. Then I made macaroni and cheese (I still haven't stopped being in love with Daiya), wrote a poem, drank some wine, and now I'm done.

Peace out.

I've found my vice.

For a long time, I've complained to anyone who will listen that I need a vice badly. I need something that I can do that is mine, that feels like rebellion, something I do that says, "I really don't give a fuck". Well friends, I have found that thing. And it is Whole Foods.

Whole Foods gives me vegan muffins and scones, vegan cake, soy yogurt, fake wonderful meat, kombucha (!), and men who smile at me like goons. Whole Foods has the most comprehensive selection of vegan options than anywhere else in town. Yeah, so it's more expensive, but I don't care. It's food! It's what I put in my body, the houser of my soul and all that jazz. So I'm gonna own it. I'm gonna own my vice like nobody's business.

"This is my confession..."

Well, just like Usher said in that far-off, how-does-time-go-by-so-fast, year of 2004, this is my confession: I hate debt. I hate it so much. I was raised by a freakin' refugee, people. No wonder I'm so neurotic about money.

I almost didn't finish graduate school because I realized how much it was going to cost me. It felt wrong. It felt unethical. But I got a good talking-to by my parents, and recognized that money is money, and an education is priceless, and my earning potential, blah, blah, blah. I bought into it. And now I have a masters degree and I still live in a garage. Now I could probably live in a larger garage if I weren't working so hard to pay off my debt, but I really don't make that much money. I am, after all, working two jobs.

I'm figuring that it's going to take me a good five years to get out of this hole, and those are five impoverished years. Let's remember that I don't even eat meat. Frugal is my middle name. Oh the injustice of it all! But I digress. I had a freak-out today (this was earlier; obviously now I can form whole sentences), wherein I screamed at the heavens in the presence of a safe person, that life isn't fair, and sugar daddies, and selling my soul, and why-can't-the-world-not-suck-so-much. It's occasionally difficult to accept the lot of a sacrificial person, a supposedly voluntary sacrificial person. I mean, even the Apostle Paul had plenty! If or when that ever happens to me, I won't know what to do with it.

But in the meantime, I will continue to be my thrifty self, shop at discard food places (shut up haters), and recycle like nobody's business.

Peace out.

Frugal tip of the day - Free Yoga :)

 
So I've been doing a lot of yoga lately. I started about a year ago, give or take, and it has helped me to stay calm as my life has become increasingly more diverse, and I take on more responsibility over my own life and the lives of others. In light of my extreme poverty this summer, I stopped going to my yoga studio. I think it's been months since I was last there, and every time I thought of it, I got a little sad. But then I had an idea. YouTube!

So I am now practicing more than ever, with friendly yogis who've done the world a huge service by donating their time and talent to the world wide web. My spine is straighter, my brain is clearer, and I'm generally a happier person (also, my blood sugar is always better with yoga than with any other form of exercise). I did this one yesterday, and tried a pose I'd never done before. I don't know what I'm going to do when I go back to my garage, and lose out on the benefit of a living room to spread out in ;)

But just in case you're wondering, I will definitely go back to my local neighborhood studio when I have the funds to do so. I think it's important to support the people who pour their lives into the health of the community.

Not much to say

I haven't been writing much this summer, and I've especially not been writing much about thrift. Readership is down, so I assume that means that no one is interested in the meanderings of a crazed post-masters almost-30 girl, living in a garage, and pining over lost love. What can I say?

I have this deep feeling in my bones that my life is about to change drastically, but I don't know how and I don't know when. This has happened to me a couple times in my life, this odd feeling, and I have learned to just go with it, and everything will turn out okay in the end. Maybe I'll dye my hair or get a tattoo. Maybe I'll move out of the country or start singing in a band. Or maybe, just maybe, nothing will change.

Love you all :)

Thrift Share Monday :)

Stocking kits are always a big deal :)

So I bought a few Christmas items. I haven't listed my Christmas stock yet. I figure it needs to dip below the triple digits before I do. I know that people might want to start working on projects, though, so I listed this kit yesterday.

Onion River Pottery

Whenever I see these mugs, I buy them. I just think they're so special. I've totally become a mug person in the past year. I've come to believe that the first things we look at in the morning should make us smile (and that definitely includes bedmates).

Florsheim boots

The elementary school across the street started ringing its bells this morning, even though the kids aren't back in school yet. Personally, I'm not ready for the school bells to start ringing. Somehow, in the midst of a summer of neverending heat, vacation has ended and regular life must return.

Peace out :)

What I want :)

To know me is to know I love cake :)

So in an effort to evidence my desire to want more, here is what I've come up with. While I understand that these things may not all occur, I still want them to. So this is what I wrote the day I decided to start wanting things.

I want a house, with a kitchen, a kitchen window and counter space
I want to write a book, a whole book, and then another, and then another
I want sons who climb trees and get into trouble - I don't want a television
I want to learn Spanish
I want to go to Slovenia - I want to live in Slovenia, learn the language, write my book
I want to tell my mother how she hurt me, and let her know that I forgive her
I want to hike the John Muir trail
I want to do a headstand and the splits
I want to take a Northern California thrifting tour
I want to see Lori McKenna with Amy for my birthday
I want to go to the annual San Francisco library book sale
I want to visit my friends in Canada, and in Kansas, and in Switzerland
I want to go to an art conference in New Mexico
I want to go to Vista Academy to see my tile

Another day, I will explain all of these, but not today. Peace out.

Want is a terrible thing.

I wasn't much of a Barbie girl...my poor mother laments this

“[S]he believed that the Buddhists were right – that if you want, you will suffer; if you love, you will grieve.”

-Anne Lamott, Crooked Little Heart

Last week, in between watching the Olympics, reading Jane Austen, and hangin' with the dogs, I thought about some stuff. I generally try not to think too much, since I'm neurotic and thinking too much all the time anyway, but sometimes it's necessary to sit in silence and work to untangle some things in your brain. I probably have done a lot of thinking this summer, since I had no time to think the previous year. Perhaps the thoughts just backed up in my brain, and had to be processed one by one, like items on a conveyer belt coming out my ears.

When I was a kid, I didn't want things. I just didn't. I learned at an early age that wanting was futile, that it only brought pain, and that it was just easier to avoid it entirely. But when things started to happen that were outside of my control - I fell in love, and didn't know what to do about it - I was faced with the question, "How does a person want and not want, love and avoid, all at the same time?" After all those years of not-wanting, the feeling of want became unbearable, so uncomfortable, and I got stuck between the two, not being able to choose either one.

So I've decided to want things, and unfortunately (oh boy), wanting means suffering. Wanting inevitably means not having, not getting. And at some point, I might get the things that I want, the big things, or maybe I'll get different things, things that are better for me than the things I want (thank you, Mick Jagger). But I'm tired of believing that I don't deserve the things that other people have, that for whatever reason I deserve less because I am less.

Oh geez, sometimes I sound like a makeup commercial.

I bought a car!

Pair of Vintage Horrockses Drapes

It's official. I bought a new car. Here is why it's awesome:

1. Air conditioning
2. Power steering
3. Cup holders!
4. CD Player
5. Radio
6. Speedometer
7. Odometer
8. Clock
9. Sun/Moon roof
10. Awesome keyless entry

At some point, I would like to outline the highlights of purchasing a used car. This is my third used car, and I'm really happy with how this whole thing went down. I had to work really hard to accept help from other people, and be honest about what I wanted, and wait until I got it. Then I had to make compromises. I had to settle for less than 40mpg. But to be honest, as soon as I felt that cool air blowing in my face, I forgot all about the mpg. That's how good it felt to not be baking in a traveling oven.

So now I'm working on selling the baking oven. Wish me luck!

Poor and marginal

The test of courage comes when we are in the minority.  The test of tolerance comes when we are in the majority.

 ~Ralph W. Sockman

I was really surprised by some of the comments I got about my landlording posts last week. I admit, I was not very organized in my thinking, and that may have made me come across as judgmental, and I don't like that. I want to affirm that people make mistakes and are not perfect. We are all human, and we all see things a bit askew from how they actually are (perhaps how God sees them). And our skewed views are okay to have. I think the problem comes when we aren't willing to extend a little grace to ourselves and perhaps admit that we might be wrong.

I think it's more important to be flawed and fallible than it is to know everything. I think it's more important to admit being wrong, and maybe not knowing everything, than it is to hold to one's convictions so as to never admit defeat or vulnerability.

I was raised with material possessions. If I made the choice, even today, I could go back to that life. I am poor because I choose to be. And of course, that has become more difficult than I expected it to be, but it's also better than I ever expected it could be. I left a life of plenty, because there was no love, no real unconditional love, and if I have to be poor and marginal for the rest of my life in order to be loved for who I really am, then I will work my darndest to be okay with that.

Peace out mofos :)

Thriftspiration.

El Vaquero Valerio Giuntoli boots - booyah :) Pretty freakin' awesome.

Do you like how big the photo is? Do ya? Do ya? You're welcome.

So in an effort to discover the origin of these freakin' awesome boots, I ended up on Italian eBay, looking at shoes, and boy was that a good time. They were all so colorful! I wish I had a ton of money to spend on shoes.

Why aren't we all buying more Italian leather shoes? I found these blue leather heels. They were unlike anything I'd ever seen, and they made me drool. What can I say? Even I, the lover of trash and all things used, can easily get drawn in to consumerist lust. Seriously, I cannot contain my glee, so I'll share it with you: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 (oh, and I can't resist - 6).

I am spending the weekend probably reading scandalous literature to my mother in the hospital. If I don't keep her adequately entertained, I imagine that she will be more prone to sexually harassing cute young male orderlies/nurses/doctors and blaming it on the morphine. I take it upon myself to be a buffer - not in a codependent way, just in an effort to have more men in my life.

Peace out mofos :)

Credit card debt creation

I really can't figure out what this book is about.

I think I've mentioned that my financial poverty has reached an all-time-low. Seriously, I don't know how low I can go. This is the first time in my life that I have chosen to use my credit card for necessities. In the past, I've baulked at people with credit card debt. "How did you buy that much stuff that you couldn't afford?" But now...I don't know.

I've worked my butt off this month, going through all my old inventory, photographing, listing. I don't know what else to do. What happens when a store just stops selling? This has been an okay month sale-wise, but between graduation last month, and the car breaking down this month, and my shop 2-3x as full as it has been all year, I'm pretty much just hoping that this will blow over, and that in the end, I'll come out okay financially.

Okay, thinking time is over. Now it's coffee time.

Saving $ @ thrift stores - Part 1

Rare hardcover library version - very cool :)

Today, after at least a year of working at it, I was able to get $10 worth of free merchandise from the rescue mission thrift store. They offer a "frequent shopper" card, where when you make ten trips and buy $5, you get your card initialed, and when you have ten, you get $10 free! The thing I dislike the most about this one is that it took me a really long time, and a lot of money to get to the end of the card. Today, I think that they just gave me all of my stuff for "ten dollars", even though it may have been a little over that. It felt good, mostly because I have $12 in my checking account and nothing is selling in my eBay store.

At another place in town, you get a stamp for every $10 you spend, but if you spend $30 in one purchase, you get three stamps. I like this way of doing it a lot better than the earlier way. I have not finished filling up my card, but I have seven out of 10, so I'm pretty close. This card has taken me less money to fill up, so in the long run, I like it better. However, the guys at this thrift store never flirt with me, and the guys at the rescue mission think I'm awesome, so I'm calling it a draw.

Thrift Share Monday :)

Signed "A. Mountanos 1980"

I found this mug last week, and haven't been able to find anything like it. There is a Mountanos Coffee Company, and I have been able to find some strand of a connection between the Mountanos surname, and Turkey. It might just be a fluke, but I thought it was really neat, and maybe collectible.

This morning, I woke up to a hilarious passive aggressive email in my inbox telling me, in essence, how selfish and greedy I was being for not accepting offers of 25-35% of my asking price, and how the buyer would send me "[my] profit" as soon as I accepted the offer. Dude, if you only knew how I get by. It's really laughable. Sometimes I ask myself if it's ethical for me to buy low and sell high, even if the item is worth what I'm asking. Sometimes I wonder if I need to cap my profit on any one particular item. I don't know. I'm not making a lot of money. I'm paying my bills.

Last night, my car started acting up, definitely structural and not the engine itself (it was still running well), and now I'm sitting in my apartment debating whether I should drive it at all before my appointment tomorrow at my mechanic. I still have paperwork to wrap up for my work year, and I have to drive to my supervisor's office to get final signatures. I'm kinda trusting that the car thing will be fixable in one day, and I'll be able to finish the paperwork traveling tomorrow afternoon. Ah the life of a VW owner! It's blissful, really :)

Linking up with Apron Thrift Girl.

Have you ever been in love?

I don't have relationships with exes. I imagine that some people do. As I said before, I am like a sponge, and I don't do well managing feelings without slipping into old patterns. I doubt it's always the healthiest option, but for me, it's the best one. It protects my heart, and in odd cases, the hearts of other people (I just don't imagine anyone is too hung up on me post mortem).

And it works well. I leave, try again, mess up again, and no one is destroyed in the process. I was finding that every time I went back to my ex-boyfriends, my heart only became more attached, and more difficult to pull out of the relationship. Where once we might have been able to make somewhat of a clean break, re-entering the fray only made it more difficult to leave a second time without major trauma to my heart. Maybe our hearts were made for monogamy. I don't know. Sometimes I imagine that they are. But I don't think that our human-ness makes us able to not hurt eachother, and sometimes moving on is the best thing for everyone involved. Maybe in a perfect world, we could all mate for life, but I doubt anyone makes it to adulthood without breaking a heart or two.

Be kind. Being a grown-up means sacrifice, usually the sacrifice of things we thought we needed to survive. Maybe it can be okay to let go, if it means that in the end, you save a heart or two.