I bought a car!

Pair of Vintage Horrockses Drapes

It's official. I bought a new car. Here is why it's awesome:

1. Air conditioning
2. Power steering
3. Cup holders!
4. CD Player
5. Radio
6. Speedometer
7. Odometer
8. Clock
9. Sun/Moon roof
10. Awesome keyless entry

At some point, I would like to outline the highlights of purchasing a used car. This is my third used car, and I'm really happy with how this whole thing went down. I had to work really hard to accept help from other people, and be honest about what I wanted, and wait until I got it. Then I had to make compromises. I had to settle for less than 40mpg. But to be honest, as soon as I felt that cool air blowing in my face, I forgot all about the mpg. That's how good it felt to not be baking in a traveling oven.

So now I'm working on selling the baking oven. Wish me luck!

Credit card debt creation

I really can't figure out what this book is about.

I think I've mentioned that my financial poverty has reached an all-time-low. Seriously, I don't know how low I can go. This is the first time in my life that I have chosen to use my credit card for necessities. In the past, I've baulked at people with credit card debt. "How did you buy that much stuff that you couldn't afford?" But now...I don't know.

I've worked my butt off this month, going through all my old inventory, photographing, listing. I don't know what else to do. What happens when a store just stops selling? This has been an okay month sale-wise, but between graduation last month, and the car breaking down this month, and my shop 2-3x as full as it has been all year, I'm pretty much just hoping that this will blow over, and that in the end, I'll come out okay financially.

Okay, thinking time is over. Now it's coffee time.

Saving $ @ thrift stores - Part 1

Rare hardcover library version - very cool :)

Today, after at least a year of working at it, I was able to get $10 worth of free merchandise from the rescue mission thrift store. They offer a "frequent shopper" card, where when you make ten trips and buy $5, you get your card initialed, and when you have ten, you get $10 free! The thing I dislike the most about this one is that it took me a really long time, and a lot of money to get to the end of the card. Today, I think that they just gave me all of my stuff for "ten dollars", even though it may have been a little over that. It felt good, mostly because I have $12 in my checking account and nothing is selling in my eBay store.

At another place in town, you get a stamp for every $10 you spend, but if you spend $30 in one purchase, you get three stamps. I like this way of doing it a lot better than the earlier way. I have not finished filling up my card, but I have seven out of 10, so I'm pretty close. This card has taken me less money to fill up, so in the long run, I like it better. However, the guys at this thrift store never flirt with me, and the guys at the rescue mission think I'm awesome, so I'm calling it a draw.

Operation "Sell Car"

I just returned from the shop. It's my engine mounts, and front axle. $1000. I know I've said this before, but I am done. I am so done. I need a new car, like today.

Operation "Sell VW" commences today.

Is this the bottom?

I went to teppanyaki last night with coworkers for an end-of-the-year celebration. The place was packed, on a Tuesday, in an otherwise boring strip mall. It seemed odd to me. Good, even great (economy-wise), but odd nonetheless.

Last week, I went to my bank, and a young man was hiding outside, unseen from the security guards, selling M&Ms. He asked me if I wanted any (It was 102 degrees). I said "sorry". And it was in that moment that I thought, "this must be the bottom". People ask for money on cardboard signs on every corner, young people without shopping carts. Adults selling candy outside banks. Suddenly, I was transported to Peru, where children sell candy on the streets, and on the buses, where each car is accosted at every stop light, with people selling their wares, trying their best to survive.

But in happier news, my generic chocolate sandwich cookies have reappeared on their store's shelf, and I eagerly shared my joy with the first employee who seemed like she might care. And she did. It was a wonderful moment.

Survive the best you can.

Don't you just wanna feed it bugs?

Doo-bee-doo-bee-doo. What a day. It began with a night of terrible insomnia, followed by interactions with the police after I found my friend's home had been broken into overnight. What a day -- not one I'd like to repeat anytime soon. My friend's already antsy, loud, and annoying dog was on point today, yelping all over the house, letting me know that something was terribly, terribly wrong. And it was.

Why do people steal from their neighbors? Why do people steal at all? My experience last year with a home robbery was traumatic in a way, and I don't ever want to experience anything like it again. But seeing the drawers opened all over the house reminded me that bad things happen to good people, and there are no warnings to the crap that happens to us sometimes.

All I want to do is help people survive the crap they get dealt. But when I see the perpetrators damage in front of me, tangible evidence, I feel a little loss of hope. Then this afternoon, I came home in the middle of a gang territorial confrontation on the corner by my house. It feels like there is no hope, like this is life, and all we can do is survive the best we can.

"The Hunger Games"

 

In an attempt to avoid spending the evening staring at my bedroom ceiling, I went to see The Hunger Games with my friend and her eldest son.

I haven't read the books, for a couple reasons. The first time I heard about the series, and asked about the premise, I was horrified. Later, I spoke about the books with a different friend, and discovered the philosophical nature of the series. Sufficiently impressed, I decided to read the books over the summer during my decadent book-reading marathon which will commence soon after graduation (Obviously only after I've sobered up and begun sleeping in my own bed again--Ha! As if).

The movie was wonderful, and powerful, and disturbing. The crowd was awful, and horrible, and emotionally disabled. They laughed when they should have cried. I wept all the way home. I wept for our world, where violence is normal, and a brilliant concept like Hunger Games is misunderstood by the masses as some kind of thriller series.

I am saddened by the state of our world, where a film whose cinematography gave me a migraine could draw such delighted crowds, and so many mothers with children. I feel like I should take off all my clothes, cover myself in ashes, and shave my head. I feel like nothing I ever do is sufficient. There will never be enough. The beast of greed is insatiable.

You need some love :)

 
1. Orphans
2. Widows
3. Aliens
4. Prisoners
5. Prostitutes
6. Homeless people
7. Mistresses
8. Foreigners
9. Prophets
10. Foster kids
11. Divorced women
12. Single people

Don't throw 'em away.

Be an activist...please

 

So this whole Occupy movement has unfortunately been stomped on lately, but now the battle against the banks and the foreclosure crisis is heating up. One example of this is Occupy our Homes, which works to keep people in their homes post-eviction by any [peaceful] means necessary. Honestly, I have some resistance to this, and I'd like to work it out a bit. Bear with me. I will get somewhere.

I was raised on corn-fed beef and "We Hate Clinton" yard signs, so "pull yourself up by your bootstraps" is not so much a saying in my mind as it is an understood core philosophy of what every person should strive for. I also believe that evil exists, and that systemic evil is particularly powerful. Secrets breed more secrets, and power is addictive. We, as a culture, have operated under the guise of self-sustainability for so long, that we didn't even notice that it was a farce. We are owned, and not by something good and pure, but by banks and corporations.

I believe that there is enough money in the system to pay fair wages, but a lot of that money is in the hands of a few people, and we gave it to them. Yup. You and me. We gave it to them. We handed it over and said, "Here, I trust you." And now we're all sunk in a pit of confusion and despair, because we didn't know any better.

But now we know better. And as Dr. Phil says (or Maya Angelou), "When you know better, you do better." So do better. Move your money, out of Bank of America, Chase, J.P. Morgan, and any other bank that didn't either originate in your area, or directly serve the people in your area. My neighborhood has one bank: B of A. My neighborhood is the poorest of the poor: the undocumented, the refugees, the single moms on public assistance-lots of people who don't have bank accounts. Every one of them is trying to make life work one day at a time. But they're stuck in a system that tells them, "This is the way" and life is so hard that they listen.

I think that some of the movement in this area needs to be towards educating people who need to learn how to empower themselves. It needs to be credit unions making themselves known to local communities, and not just to those who have already heard. Stop preaching to the choir. If they've already heard it, and haven't acted, shake the dust off your feet, and move on!

Be an activist. But don't quit your day job please.

Change for the better

 

Read this first. If you have time, after that, you can come back to me.

So I live in one of the most impoverished areas in the US. We actually have shantytowns. Yeah, they're small, and don't compare to any third world nation, but they're there, and they're real.

But add that to the startling heat of summer and unbelievably depressing fog of winter (the only two seasons we have some years), and the area doesn't appeal to the mainstream citizen (mostly the undocumented, if you really want to know). And why is this? Because we're lame? No! Because we began as a haven for sharecroppers and gypsies? Why yes! And it continues today (If you need background, just read Steinbeck's East of Eden).

So here we sit, a hole of depression and poverty; a big hole that sucks up all the smog from everywhere else. Yup. It sucks. So what are we going to do about it? Can we bomb all the prisons we house? Nope. Can we make everyone ride a bicycle everywhere? Too late for that (blame it on suburban sprawl). Can we make people happier? Probably not.

But we can do something: We can stay. We can commit. We can say "no" when we're pressured, both internally and externally, to flee the hell we grew up in. We can deny our human need for beauty elsewhere, dig our feet in, and fight for beauty here. We can choose to not ride the coattails of others and benefit from the creativity and vision of those who inspire us, and choose to be leaders here, in our own communities. We can choose the thing that has been thrown away by so many before us, that has been trashed by the media from coast to coast. Yeah, we're the Appalachia of the West. Do we succumb to that title, or do we defy it? Do we, as the educated thinkers and dreamers of our communities, leave behind the people and culture that have shaped us and made us who we are; or do we commit to returning the favor and reinvesting in our cities and towns who need people like us, people who care, in order to change for the better?

I choose to stay.

Just pick something.

 Extreme hopes are born of extreme misery.

Bertrand Russell

In reality, hope is the worst of all evils, because it prolongs the torments of man.

Friedrich Nietzsche

I am a stubborn fool, and believe in things that will never be. But I am also a wise fool, because I believe in the impossible, and maybe, just maybe, hope things into being. I've been told that I would die without hope, because I said I didn't have any. But to live without hope is no life at all. To live without believing, even somewhere deep inside your own unconscious mind, that something better is possible, is to be dead.

Every person alive has some form of drive to live, and I call that hope, I guess, whether or not it really fits (If I tweak the definition a bit, I can claim that I have some and no one will worry about me). Depression can be the realization that there is no reason to hope, and no thing to hope for. So every day, I wake up, and I find something that keeps me going. Sometimes, it's completely delusional. Actually, it's usually delusional; that's why it sticks around. It's the rational hopes that don't last long-they are quickly swept into the "not possible" pile and filed away in the garage.

I believe in the impossible. It has gotten me through decades of life-not-always-worth-living. And to give it up, and hope in a God I cannot see or touch or feel, who may or may not ever return-that seems more delusional than thinking you can time travel to win the lottery, don't you think?

Mental health day

I have so many things to do-important things to do-things that must be done. But I don't have it in me. I don't have anything in me. I don't know where it all went, but it's not here. So I'm going to sit in one place until it returns. See you when I see you.

Note: Today is Drug Disposal Day. Go here for a nearby location to drop off your unused and/or expired medications.

I'm no splurger

I do not splurge. Splurging is outside of my zone of proximal development. But sometimes, when I feel light as air, no worries on my mind, I do something silly, like buy a plane ticket to Hawaii to see friends, or gather my girlfriends to see a movie at the $3 theater (!).

When is thrifty awesome, and when does it start to ruin your life, or take you away from your best possible life? When do decisions you make for the right reasons, become the wrong ending without your consent?

A few years ago, I decided to sell my car. It had bad juju. I went carless for a month or so, which was a huge pain because I lived far from everything. Then I bought a wonderful old VW Diesel Rabbit, and it was so awesome, for twelve hours. Then it was undriveable.

The last three years have been the same. It will be wonderful, then it will be $2000. I am in a financial pit because of my car. Well, not so much a pit, as a desert. But I don't have the capital to buy a new one, so I'm stuck. I'm stuck between changing who I am (i.e. not a person who goes into debt or a person who makes car payments) and being somewhat unhappy. My car is fully functional. Don't get me wrong. I love my car. Everyone who sees my car loves my car, but the upkeep on something of its age is unbelievable. So I'm stuck.

A fellow student bought a used hybrid at auction. She gave me the price tag of $6500 to shoot for. That seems manageable, not manageable for me, but not astronomical. So right now, I'm just sitting, and thinking, and fantasizing about air conditioning and power steering and NPR in the morning and taking road trips to San Francisco on a whim. The fantasy keeps me going sometimes. It's hope for a better tomorrow, when today is unmanageable.

Please, please, don't throw those away

There is a lot of information on the interwebs about recycling shoes. Over the past ten years, I've been sending old running shoes to some place in the Midwest. It feels kinda funny, now that I think about it. I don't know how I got on that kick. I was really into running (ridiculously), so I would wear out a pair of running shoes and send them on to someone who would then send them on to Africa, I believe. This was pre-TOMS, and specifically for running as a sport.

Shoes are very bulky, and if they are synthetic or rubber (Is that synthetic? It grows on trees.), they don't break down in landfills. I've seen a lot more labels lately that boast the shoe's biodegradability. In my dreams, I get to go through landfills in a spacesuit and find stuff that could be recycled (yes, yes, I know that people do this to survive).

You can go here to make your own decision about how to recycle your unwanted shoes. Nike has a large-scale recycling program that breaks down shoes into raw materials to build with.

I know that this is a lot of information for your already overloaded brain, but whatever you do, just don't throw them in the trash. If you need me to come to your house and deal with them, I will (but most likely I will just talk you through the process over the phone, because I'm really busy and you need to be empowered to do it yourself).

"Don't bogart that can...man."

So since I can't go out and do "people on the street" interviews in my neighborhood, this is essentially the state of things in my part of the city. And it's been this way for so long that it doesn't even faze me. This is life as we now know it.

I've heard on more than one occasion that this is ripping off the city. By stealing from recycling bins, people are essentially stealing from the city's income revenue. I doubt that this is a real issue, but am more than willing to take feedback on it. If you know anyone who can comment on this issue, I'd love to hear from someone who knows what they're talking about.