No dog love :(

1994 Bergschrund Honey Bear Mug

I'm drinking coffee at this very moment. It took over an hour to make it happen. I am housesitting, and there's a dog, and the dog is depressed, and that makes me feel depressed, and wishing that I was a dog psychologist and I could whisk his worries away. I also wish that I too could get into a small contained space like he is right now, in a dark hallway in his crate, voluntarily.

I have to keep myself from bugging him to come play with me. I tried to cuddle with him, but he went into his crate, so here I am, feeling rejected and not wanting to do anything, and just generally feeling like ass. I get so used to dogs loving me and wanting to constantly be with me, that I get confused when a dog meets me and doesn't automatically want to be bffs.

I did some thrifting yesterday, and maybe found some good stuff. I got into a long conversation with an employee/thrift friend about him working on getting his GED. He has a neck tattoo but I like him anyway. I think this is a first for me. I am pretty anti-tattoo, as a general rule. There were a bunch of new workers at the store. They were pretty energetic, and obviously hadn't seen a woman in a great while. I love it when that happens. Aw shucks [insert blushing grin here].

Hey you.

If you have a dog, you will most likely outlive it; to get a dog is to open yourself to profound joy and, prospectively, to equally profound sadness.

Marjorie Garber

:) :) :) :) :) :) :)

8oz Starbucks travel mug

The moment you have in your heart this extraordinary thing called love and feel the depth, the delight, and the ecstasy of it, you will discover that the world is transformed.

J. Krishnamurti

My old car, the one I sold, had a wonderful bumper sticker on it from Krishnamurti. I wish I could remember it, so I'm gonna go look it up. Oh yay! It was orange, and it said (in a fantastic purple font), "It is no measure of health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society". It felt so Me, and I felt like it completely reflected who I am, or was at the time. I still think it reflects who I am, but now the car is gone, and the sentiment remains. I had a wonderful conversation last night about the Hunger Games (the movie, particularly), and I think that there was consensus that the world is a sick place, and not always for the reasons people think. Sometimes we ignore the real sickness so we can focus on the things that make us uncomfortable.

How's that for an inspiring post?! Go out and make the world a better place! Oh, I forgot to tell you all that while I was walking the dog last night, I found a discarded wicker coffee table in the alley and I carried it home like 3/4 of a mile in one hand, and the dog in the other. So now we have a patio coffee table and chairs, and the weather has been SO lovely that I want to be outside all the time! I need to walk down the alley more often. Oh, and I also think it's important to note that I will always be the person who picks up trash in the alley and makes it useful. That's just who I am.

Survive the best you can.

Don't you just wanna feed it bugs?

Doo-bee-doo-bee-doo. What a day. It began with a night of terrible insomnia, followed by interactions with the police after I found my friend's home had been broken into overnight. What a day -- not one I'd like to repeat anytime soon. My friend's already antsy, loud, and annoying dog was on point today, yelping all over the house, letting me know that something was terribly, terribly wrong. And it was.

Why do people steal from their neighbors? Why do people steal at all? My experience last year with a home robbery was traumatic in a way, and I don't ever want to experience anything like it again. But seeing the drawers opened all over the house reminded me that bad things happen to good people, and there are no warnings to the crap that happens to us sometimes.

All I want to do is help people survive the crap they get dealt. But when I see the perpetrators damage in front of me, tangible evidence, I feel a little loss of hope. Then this afternoon, I came home in the middle of a gang territorial confrontation on the corner by my house. It feels like there is no hope, like this is life, and all we can do is survive the best we can.

Ideals vs. reality

Today was not a good day for me personally, but it was a pretty good thrifting day. I spent less, which is always great. I didn't take care of myself as well as I should, though. I'm losing steam, and making unwise decisions, or maybe I'm just being thrown complex problems. Who knows?

The dog and I are not a good fit. We're just not. But I'm caught between the ideal of never going back on an agreement, and the reality of a dog who needs a different structure to thrive.

Can someone bring me some ice cream? I think that ice cream would make me feel better.

I have to be perfect--I have to.

As my future perfect self, I will wear awesome vests like this one.

I am experiencing a new kind of anxiety: the anxiety of being responsible for another living being, and not living in a vacuum.

Pretty much constantly, for the past few days, I have been worrying about how my decision to get a dog affects other people. How long will she bark after I leave? Will my neighbors hear her? How long will my supervisor be upset for my bringing her to a meeting? Will my landlords be upset?

It's an awful feeling. I can't wait until it ends. Of course it will only end when everyone loves me and I stop making mistakes. I will only be truly happy when I become perfect.

Dogs should come in pairs.

Training a dog is hard work, especially when the dog has not been treated well or has been living in a chaotic situation for a while. The dog is hesitant, and the new owner is hesitant. The dog bites in fear, so the owner strikes it. And soon the cycle begins again...

It's difficult to treat animals, specifically dogs, well. Dogs are vulnerable because they are small, and they have no prefrontal cortex, so they are easy to manipulate. It's so interesting to me that some people have been making a deal out of Mitt Romney's treatment of animals. What makes dogs so special (besides the fact that they're pretty freakin' cute)? Why are we not raging against the establishment that allows millions of cows to lay in their own fecal matter each day? Why are we not raging against the establishment that tells us we are safer because all of our meat gets washed in ammonia? Why are we not shouting it from the rooftops? Why are we not all acting for change?

That's my spiel for the day. I like my new dog. I don't love her yet, because I don't really know her, but I'm working on it. This week will be a test of how we'll get along, because I'll be in and out during the day, and she'll be alone sometimes. I think that dogs should come in pairs, but I need more time before I can get another, and I don't think it's a good idea to put more than one person and one [small] animal in my apartment. I only have so much space to walk.

I got a dog.

Ten things about my new dog:

1. Her name is Molly
2. She is small and black
3. She is a Chihuahua mix
4. She's fairly quiet
5. She's been crazy hungry
6. She's a rescue
7. I woke up in the middle of the night, and she was sitting by my head staring at me
8. She's very jumpy and bouncy
9. She came home with poop on her, and when I tried to give her a bath, she bit me--she was so scared, there was a lot going on, and I hadn't let her know who was boss
10. We've got a ways to go before we love each other

Want to adopt a dog? I had been looking at this website for months, and drooling over a dog I could love. I found a bunch that appealed to me, but in the end, I picked up the one who didn't seem to like me, and took her home. I hope we're okay. She sure is cute, and super weird.