Thrift Share Monday :)

I just want to give the world more beauty :)

 

Do you know that there are innocent people in prison? I just watched the documentary, The Thin Blue Line, and it reminds me why I wanted to go into law when I was a kid. I wanted to make sure that no one suffered for a crime they did not commit. I was a dreamer - I still am.

Are you a helper? How did that happen? What is the difference between a person who lives life committed to peace and justice, and a person who lives life for money and power? I guess that's one of the reasons I ended up where I am today as an adult, definitely not a lawyer. I wish I could understand why people decide to work for good, then I could pass it on.

I've named these "The Star Trek Shoes"

My newfound acceptance of science fiction and fantasy is evidence of my ability to dream a little more, to incorporate a little bit more un-reality into my life. I think dreaming is a really important thing. Sometimes we scold children for telling stories, and sometimes we need to be encouraging them to dream more instead of less. There has to be a time where imagination is fostered and nurtured. If we do not dream, we can never hope for something different.

Every one needs something big to dream. Dreaming keeps us alive.

Still linking up with Apron Thrift Girl :)

A great idea.

 

Today, I was sitting in church, and for some reason, I had a great idea. My senior paper is all about dwelling where you are, blooming where you're planted and all that. So in an effort to prepare for the presentation of my paper on Wednesday, my brain has been throwing around ideas to save my city, to encourage people to stay (to encourage myself to stay as well).

Here's the idea: I create an alternative sentencing facility where people can come and live and work and get better. There's an organic farm where people can work, and a dorm facility with industrial kitchen where people can come and eat. Maybe there will be a restaurant, or dining hall or something on the property. Maybe I'll need two kitchens. Every one will have a job. It will be communal living, and there will be therapists and a doctor on-site. I don't know if I'll be able to have it in town, or if I'll need more property. I imagine that it would be a good idea to have animals, but I don't see animals in my dream right now.

Gosh, I'd have to get grants, and I'd have to get permission from the city and county courts. It'd be a huge project. There would have to be permanent employees to give the place structure and consistency.

I like to dream.

A trip to the dark side

The Black Swan :)

I just read a crazy story (Note: It's about serial killers and mass graves, so go away if you're not in a good place to handle this). It takes place in my area of the world, so it appeals to me. These days, I am rarely able to handle this kind of crazy. The work I do makes it very difficult for me to cope with bad stuff that is in no way connected to me and my life. But this story gave me hope.

I have lived my whole life in the great state of California (minus a few months here and there). One becomes accustomed to the billboards on the side of I-5 advertising missing persons, some for ten years and more. These signs are so sad. There are whole families behind those signs, waiting and hoping for answers. Parents ask, "What happened to our daughter?" They grieve without end, because there is no end to the mystery. And then some crazy guy in San Quentin decides to open his mouth, and spill his guts. It may be manipulation. It may be for money. It may be honest guilt. I don't know, but no matter why it's happening, it's good.

Families are getting answers. Think of all the suffering that is going to end in this search. They will never stop grieving, but the suffering that comes with not knowing will end. It makes me so happy. It makes my eyes well up. It makes my heart feel full. Some of the fog may be lifted (oh, I hope they'll test all the remains ASAP), after decades of not knowing what happened.

You need some love :)

 
1. Orphans
2. Widows
3. Aliens
4. Prisoners
5. Prostitutes
6. Homeless people
7. Mistresses
8. Foreigners
9. Prophets
10. Foster kids
11. Divorced women
12. Single people

Don't throw 'em away.

Attachment issues up the yang

Beth Orton has a song called "Feral Children". I can hardly listen to it, and I love her stuff. I also can't read books about abused children or watch documentaries about them, even though they fascinate me. It hits my sensitive soul too close.

People who have been abused as children are all around us in the world, living normal lives, doing normal things. But their souls bear scars that are unseen by the world. Sometimes these are the people who successfully suicide. The pain is too great to bear. Or these are the people who turn inside themselves, or turn on other people. These are the people we love to hate, the crazies of the world. Then there are the more resilient types, who for one reason or another are able to withstand the the soul-beatings and live to tell about it. But they still suffer.

Have you ever had a friend abandon you for seemingly no reason? Have you ever known someone with such strong commitment issues that one intense conversation might set them back into themselves for a week or more? Part of this is attachment, that thing borne inside of us when we are born, that thing we create with our parents, that thing that tells us how to orient to the world. Is the world a safe place? Should I be afraid, or alert? This often looks like paranoia.

When a person is scared to be loved, they will do everything in their power to avoid that love. They will self-sabotage in every way they can imagine, and they may not even realize that they're doing it. Perhaps it is our job, those of us who are able to trust and hope, to love these people unconditionally, to commit to them unconditionally, to see them for who they are at their very best, even when their very best is hard to see.

Throwing people away because they are imperfect does nothing for the status quo. It only perpetuates a belief that a person can be thrown away, that a person is worthy of being thrown away. This is never true.

What's the Point of Prison?

I used to work in a facility for juveniles, one step out of juvenile hall, and one step away from the California Youth Authority (kiddy prison). I was the enemy, and I'd never experienced the kind of hatred that I experienced at that job, the threats on my life that occurred regularly, and the lack of compassion from my coworkers, for me, or for the kids.

I quickly became a part of the system. I didn't understand why they hated me; I thought they were just bad kids who needed kind, but firm, discipline, and stable adults. I tried to embody that idea, but I got lost in the wasteland of souls. I became so disillusioned, so quickly, that I had to quit before the whole thing swallowed me whole. I became convinced that that place was going to kill me, and that if my life was going to be worth anything to anyone, I had to stay alive. I also had to figure out how to thrive in the midst of a broken and ugly world.

There was a man executed in Texas last week, Mark Stroman. After 9/11, he went out and shot a few middle eastern-looking people, because he said that his sister was killed in the towers (which could never be verified). One of the men survived, forgave Stroman, and sued Texas governor Rick Perry, claiming that Stroman didn't know the difference between right and wrong when he committed the crime, and didn't deserve to die. Rais Bhuiyan, the survivor, said this:

I strongly believe what Mark Stroman did, that it was hate — I mean, that it was [sic] hate crime because of his ignorance, and he was not capable of distinguishing between right and wrong. Otherwise, he would not have done what he did. The way my parents raised me, and my Islamic faith teaches me, that he is the best who can forgive easily. And my faith teaches that no one has a right to take another human life.

-Democracy Now

Hundreds of prisoners in the California prison system began a hunger strike this summer to protest solitary confinement practices, and other inhumane treatments commonly practiced throughout the system. One woman said that her brother had been in solitary confinement for twenty years.

One of the prisoners interviewed, Todd Ashker from Pelican Bay, said this:

We believe that this is our only option of ever trying to make some kind of positive changes here, is through this peaceful protest of hunger strike. And there is a core group of us who are committed to taking this all the way to the death, if necessary. None of us want to do this, but we feel like we have no other option. And we’re just hoping for the best. 

-Democracy Now

Oftentimes, even though Jesus spoke about the good of visiting people in prison (Matt 25:36), we don't do it. Why not? Because prison is ugly and smelly. It is dark and depressing. We don’t go because of the way it makes us feel. It reminds us of what we are capable of, and that is the most terrifying thing of all. It’s easier to make a barrier between “us” and “them”.

But you know different. You know that there are ugly parts to you, those parts that you may not show to anyone, but you always know are there. You like to keep them safe and locked up. This makes it easier to get through the day. But then they creep up on you, so slowly that you are overwhelmed; by the time you realize what has happened, you are overtaken. Maybe it’s sin; maybe it’s demonic, but it’s in you however you spin it. It’s a part of YOU.

The reason I quit my job is because I couldn’t get to the point where I understood that there was no difference between me and them. In reality, I would have suffered less had I been able to accept the darkness that I felt surrounding me, not to accept it as okay, but to accept my own humanity. I needed to accept that the difference between me and those kids was just grace. They weren't worse people than me; God wasn't punishing them. I didn't get a better lot because I was a better person.

We let ourselves throw people away when we forget that we are those people. They are us; we are them.