Vacation is no party.

1980 - Small Vintage Portrait on Particle Board

A few days off have put me into thinking mode, one of my all-time favorite modes, as it were, and I'm sifting through my brain, trying to decide where to go and what to do next in my life. I wish I knew, truly. Today, I'm thinking about opening a thrift store. As yesterday's thinking revealed, dreams are sometimes only images flashing across our brains, without any structure to hold them together.

I wish I could step confidently into the dreams I've had for so long. But what I've found in my life, over and again, is that dreams are never what you think they will be. You fall in love, only to discover the hollowness of the other person. You buy an old car, only to realize that you aren't the hobby mechanic you'd hoped to become. You take a job you'd only just imagined in college could exist, only to find it radically conflicts with who you are as a person.

So I've become a little scared to dream, hesitant to take another step forward only to see a nubile dream die with a thud. I'm scared to discover that being human is really as difficult as it seems to be, full of failings and hardship, slim glimpses of true beauty, followed by slippery hope in something more, something big enough to hold, something more substantial.

I think I've stopped trying to find someone to fall in love with because I've realized it's impossible to manipulate, that some things cannot be made to happen, that some things really are out of our control.

Peace, friends :)

The art of lounging :)

Bff got me a new lounging sweater for Christmas. She knows how I love to "lounge". I don't think I ever really let anyone know my secret "I live in my bed" until her. It's nice to be known.

I'm working on my taxes (I know - I'm proud of myself too!) and it's a pain in the ass, as I expected, but much more doable than I previously expected when I had an overwhelming rush of impossibility a week ago just thinking about it. I have a printer. I printed bank statements. Now I'm highlighting relevant transactions. Later I will add them up and combine them with my online Outright stuff from eBay, which is awesome and helps me do the impossible, like keep track of sales tax and expenses and income, and on and on...ad infinitum.

My vacation has truly helped my brain get to a better place. I'm compartmentalizing in healthy ways, i.e. not thinking about things that don't need to be thought about in a given moment. I just ate an orange off the orange tree in the backyard, evidencing my ability to feed myself, and I remembered to put extra blankets on the bed (finally), so that I won't freeze to death in my sleep.

All is well :)

Thrift Share Monday :)

Stocking kits are always a big deal :)

So I bought a few Christmas items. I haven't listed my Christmas stock yet. I figure it needs to dip below the triple digits before I do. I know that people might want to start working on projects, though, so I listed this kit yesterday.

Onion River Pottery

Whenever I see these mugs, I buy them. I just think they're so special. I've totally become a mug person in the past year. I've come to believe that the first things we look at in the morning should make us smile (and that definitely includes bedmates).

Florsheim boots

The elementary school across the street started ringing its bells this morning, even though the kids aren't back in school yet. Personally, I'm not ready for the school bells to start ringing. Somehow, in the midst of a summer of neverending heat, vacation has ended and regular life must return.

Peace out :)

My pending memoir :)

Retreats are awesome! Every once in a while, I should find a place and just go. Of course, this time, I'm working the entire time and I'm physically and mentally exhausted, but someday, I will not be a student, and maybe I can write a novel or my ever-pending memoir. Imagine the possibilities! Blue sky outside the window, maybe a beach, or some other wonderful view. It's lovely to be with someone you love too. It makes the whole thing enjoyable, even if it's work.

Also, the television show that I'm newly hooked on at this particular moment-watching it at the end of a long day is all the sweeter after so much mind-numbing paper-writing.