Thrift Share - Feline Edition :)

Fritz Rudolf Hug - Tiger - Canvas Reproduction

So, I ended up at a wonderful estate sale on Saturday. It was being run by a company with several people working throughout the house. It was well organized, but not exactly clean. There was kitty litter spilled in the garage in a walkway that no one had bothered to sweep up.

Signed "Joy"

I have never seen anything like this woman's house. Everything was cat-related. There was a ton of cat jewelry. The perfumes were even cat related! Books, crafts, magazines, artwork. I was on a limited cash budget (as in, I only had $16 in cash), but I got all of this stuff that's pictured, plus a couple cat art and poetry books, and a non-cat painting. I felt really good about my finds.

Max Factor - "Primitif"

There was even a box full of vintage cat collars covered in rhinestones. I was sticking to the basics though, and didn't want to veer too far from what I knew would sell. Again, no smart phone = no instant research. My brain is my best (and only) asset.

Framed Paint by Number - Kittens

I don't know why people like paint-by-numbers so much. They're not my style. Also, I appreciate cats, but if I had a choice, I would choose dogs every time. I like to be loved unconditionally. What can I say?

Fritz Rudolf Hug - Leopard - Canvas Reproduction

These Hug reproduction canvases are fantastic. The top one is super hard to find. The bottom one is easier to find, but I couldn't find a solid name of the print, and neither of them was marked. The top one is called "Tiger on Red Background". I was very happy to find that. It took a while, but was definitely worth the research time.

I've had two returns this week from unsatisfied customers, and that always bums me out. One of them said I sent her an item covered in cat pee! I'm hoping it was some sort of freak accident, because I don't have any cats, and am very particular about smells on my items. We shall see (omg. I am drinking a ton of ice water today - so hot).

So there's your all-inclusive cat post. Peace out friends.

Ack! I had a good night's sleep!

I swear these look mint green in person, but now I'm unsure.

Omg. My psyche was on OVERLOAD last night. I had this dream about massive flea markets and past and future selves meeting eachother. It was super cool. Andy from Weeds and Liam Neeson were there, along with massive mafia/drug gang action. My brain is a cool place.

I have been living without Earth Balance for a couple weeks, and it is not a happy place to be. I miss it so much. But I still have my Daiya cheese, so that makes it somewhat better. I am such a vegan. What can I say?

So there's been an unplanted pot of tomatoes in our backyard, just waiting to be planted, and it's been so stinkin hot, that I've just been watering them a lot. I figured that heat + relocation wasn't a good plan. Anyhow, finally, this morning wasn't crazy hot, and I feel like a tornado with the amount of energy that I have, so I just dug a big hole, coated it with compost, and stuck that darn thing in the ground. I'm a rock star.

Someone commented on yesterday's post requesting an eBay button for my store. A suggestion is one thing. A request is another. I respond to requests. I ponder suggestions. Just a friendly tip. If you want something from me, I guess the trick is to just ask for it.

I did something yesterday that makes me feel like the best version of myself. If I remember, I'll write about it tomorrow :)

Hyphy.

A wonderful vintage quilting book with really great ideas :)

I'm a little hyper right now. When I don't get enough sleep, that tends to happen. Whatever. I finally started cleaning out my clothes, so I'm using it to my benefit. Maybe I'll put this energy to good use and walk to the grocery store later (two birds baby).

An ongoing conversation I'm having has hit a road marker for me. I've had to state very bluntly my position on drugs, and I don't know that I've ever had to do that before with anyone. It's interesting what becomes a part of one's internal identity mapping. I imagine that some people feel this way about other things, very different things. Maybe some vegans put veganism on the line for a person they love; maybe some vegans put love on the line for the cows. I believe in compromise, and shared results, and it is my hope that someday my crazy will be just spunky enough to be attractive without being overwhelming. I think I may be hitting my stride right about now.

Post flea market meltdown

I feel so bad right now. The flea market was so much work, and not worth the time and energy in the end, which makes me feel like I can't keep doing this reselling thing. I'm fooling myself to believe that I can continue to support myself this way. I couldn't pay my rent this month. I had to ask for help, and now I feel like this thing that I love so much has quickly become the thorn in my side.

I feel like my needs are exponentially greater than I can possibly meet. I need a job with health insurance, but I don't qualify for jobs that offer it. I'm stuck with a masters degree and now I'm almost thirty and my body is falling apart, and I need health care more than ever, and I'm less able to get it every day. I have less than three months to solve this problem, and now it feels like the sky is falling.

I need to eat, but my body doesn't want to eat because it's hot and I feel sick, but my mood is directly related to my food intake.

That's all for now.

Actual Postscript: Um, I just looked over my posts over the last week and it appears that I am having a total breakdown. I'm not. I'm functional, but graduation has taken the wind out of my sails. This too shall pass, I assume, as it always does.

Funkdigity

Knitting? Gardening? Staring out the window?

Should I be doing something else? Should I be watching less television? Should I be walking on the grass and staring at the sky more? I'm in that weird place where my life is changing and I don't quite know what to do while it's happening. I've been talking about it for the past nine months or so, but now my graduation is a week away (nine days to be exact). I'm in a funky funk, and I'm just going to have to ride it out.

I'm pretty much a professional now. I'm a professional who sells trash on the internet (when I'm trying to convince someone how lame I am, I create really pithy sayings like that). I'm actually pretty awesome, but I don't know if it's okay to really live in that feeling. I might become obese or sociopathic if I care about myself too much (or too little for that matter). I guess I have a core fear that I have to maintain some kind of emotional balance that errs on the side of depression. That way, karma will repay me in my next life by blessing me with many virgins (seriously, why are virgins so valuable in the afterlife?) or cows.

I created an outfit for graduation day. I bought a dress yesterday, and took it to be altered today. I still need to have my earrings fixed. Everything fell apart at the beginning of the school year, and I've just kinda limped along ever since. Now I'm on the other side, and everything needs repair. Including me, probably.

My heart is in the jungle.

 

For a moment today, I had an intense rush of longing for the jungle. I longed for simplicity, and candles, and the river. I saw my own bare feet, and the emptiness of the day. I saw myself alone, and it was lovely. To think of it makes my heart ache. To think more makes me want to cry. I left my heart in the jungle, but I really don't know why.

25 hour work-week?

I had a thought this week, now that I'm considering my future post-graduation. I've been supporting myself in unique ways over the past several years, and I may soon have the opportunity to put that aside in the interest of something more stable, higher-paying, and let's face it, more demanding. And I'm thinking that I don't want to, not because I'm lazy (I work constantly as it is), but because I don't want to contribute to a society that claims that work is life.

When I consider my life, and the lives of others, I see that the strain work places on us as human beings causes us to treat ourselves with less care, in the interest of our jobs. We give our jobs all we have, whether we realize it or not. Then all that is left at the end of the day is the dregs. How is that life? Let's face it-who among us, with a full-time job, really spends every minute working? The answer is not zero. I understand that there are plenty of people who work hard, and then others for a number of reasons are limited by their own abilities and work harder than most. I grant you that.

What if you only had to be productive half the time? Or even less? What if everyone were salaried, and could leave when their work was done? What if we began to look at eachother more as human beings and less as mindless, all-powerful, drones? What if we were all honest about our needs? What if we were vulnerable, and committed to change?

Utopia is a dream, but being fully human is something worth striving for.

Sometimes you're not enough

I just turned in a course reading log; it was terrible and I am ashamed of it.

The log was just supposed to be an honest representation of what was actually read. So I was honest, and it wasn't pretty. This class is at the bottom of my priority list, not because it isn't important, but because it isn't as important as my physical health, my emotional health, the quality of my work, paying my bills, making sure I have all of my medication, making sure I have enough food to eat, getting sufficient exercise, or getting sufficient rest and sleep.

Honestly, this semester, the quality of my school work has plummeted, and at the same time, I have become more dedicated to its completion. Let me explain: When I had the time to do my work, the reasonable daylight time, I did it, and I did it well. Now, I do not have that time. What I do have are middle-of-the-night insomnia, Saturday evenings after 9pm, and Sunday afternoons when I should be resting. This is when I do my schoolwork. So no, I am not a slacker. I am poor and I have an autoimmune disease. The things I do to manage those two tiny pieces of my life are all-consuming, in addition to my work, which takes up most of my time, and gives me no money, whatsoever.

So yeah, I turned in an assignment that I am ashamed of. I am ashamed that I am imperfect. I am ashamed that I am limited. But those things are true for everyone; they are true for you. We are human, and that's all we have. We can't be everything to everyone, or do everything for everyone. We will disappoint people we love, and we will disappoint people we do not love.

I have harbored anxiety about this assignment, not because I cared about the assignment so much as cared about what the teacher would think of my less-than-perfect performance. So today, instead of spending what should be my day of rest on something inherently non-restful, I chose to let go of the shame.

Garbage in, garbage out

 

In yoga tonight, I had thoughts running through my mind throughout the class. That's rare. Usually, I am able to get rid of everything very quickly and focus on how much pain I'm in. Maybe I am feeling stronger, so am therefore able to let my mind wander, but it got me to thinking. How am I getting rid of the negativity in my life? How am I dealing with the garbage that comes in? Am I doing anything?

I am a firm believer that the brain and body carry everything with them. Your brain remembers everything that has happened to you. It is stored in there somewhere, and someday something that you've never remembered before from 3rd grade will pop up suddenly because something in your environment triggered that particular neurotransmitter to fire (or get fired on?).

So that's all well and good when you work at Clouds-R-Us, where everyone is friendly and happy and no one has an unkind word for anyone else, and nothing bad ever happens to anyone. But for the rest of us who have constant good and bad flowing into our lives, I think it's important to stop and think every once in a while, "How much good am I putting into my life? Is there any way that I can replace some of the bad with some good? Is watching Law and Order a good thing or a bad thing for my overall health and well-being?"

Yoga is part of that for me. Yoga gives me a great deal of good and at the same time reminds me to breathe out the bad, and to let go of the things I try so hard to hold on to. Yoga isn't for everyone, but it is a symbol of what each of us needs in our lives-a time and place, set aside, for the purpose of cleansing and renewal.

I hope you find this space for yourself somehow, and if not, I hope you start to look for it.

My mind is blank

I don't have anything in me right now. I don't know why, but I'm very tired and my mind is blank. I added two blankets to my bed because it got so cold last night. I have a lot of work to do this week for school, but I haven't done it yet.

Maybe my mind isn't blank. Maybe it is very very full.