Pat Robertson on thrift.

Saint Mark the Evangelist - Felt and plastic printing plate

So Pat Robertson, the ever exciting host of The 700 Club, has joined the thrifting world by encouraging the rebuking of evil spirits from all secondhand sweaters. I can only imagine what horrors I've unknowingly brought home in my hundreds of thrift encounters.

I must leave, and cleanse my home. Peace out :)

Boosting your own ego

Not completely empty, but mostly :)

This week's episode of The Bachelorette made me think about a phenomenon I've seen in heterosexual romantic relationships: Women pressing the man to admit that he is indeed hopelessly in love with her, causing total exposure and emotional nakedness (but only for him). She manipulates the situation because she wants to know that it's a sure thing. She isn't going to go all-in unless she first knows that he's all-in first. It's like, "You show me yours first, then I'll think about whether I'll show you mine."

I call it a phenomenon because I've seen it happen over and over again with my single friends. They agonize over whether or not some guy likes them because they depend upon that knowledge to judge themselves. If he loves them, then they're worthy of being loved. Their worthiness is completely dependent upon that knowledge (Oh man, this drives me crazy).

We use people's vulnerabilities against them in order to make ourselves more powerful! When I make the guy admit his feelings first, then I have the upper hand. I have the power to crush him if I want, and now there's zero chance that I'll get crushed. Self-protection at its worst, my friends. Using other people's vulnerabilities to boost your own ego? Not cool.

But resistance is not an easy task. It means making up your own mind. It means a whole hell of a lot of risk on your part, with the possibility that there is only pain on the other side. But the cool part is, you get to become a whole person in the process, and that's worth every painful moment, and every tear.

Happy Saturday :)

This bird's nest fell out of a tree in my front yard :)

This has been a tough week, but the past several have been tough, so that really doesn't mean all that much. I hate the depression of summer, but it keeps me from going over the edge and collapsing the rest of the time, so it's worth the difficult days, usually. Mostly I just sit in my apartment with my mini fan pointed directly at me, doing eBay schtuff and listening to talk radio. Television makes me feel a lot more guilty, so I try to take it in small amounts (I don't know where I got the idea that summer television was shameful - probably my mother). Also, I drink a lot of smoothies, which makes me feel like a rock star. They're full of spinach and berries. I figure my iron and antioxidant load is now back where it should be.

Tonight, I am going out with friends to see Magic Mike (I later read this, and had some brain waves to the contrary). I am telling you so that you know that I have no shame (I think). Oh man, at the end of Dear John, when Channing Tatum and Amanda Seyfried's characters end up together after her sufficiently hot first husband dies tragically, gives me hope that love can truly conquer all. I'm not kidding.

Funkdigity

Knitting? Gardening? Staring out the window?

Should I be doing something else? Should I be watching less television? Should I be walking on the grass and staring at the sky more? I'm in that weird place where my life is changing and I don't quite know what to do while it's happening. I've been talking about it for the past nine months or so, but now my graduation is a week away (nine days to be exact). I'm in a funky funk, and I'm just going to have to ride it out.

I'm pretty much a professional now. I'm a professional who sells trash on the internet (when I'm trying to convince someone how lame I am, I create really pithy sayings like that). I'm actually pretty awesome, but I don't know if it's okay to really live in that feeling. I might become obese or sociopathic if I care about myself too much (or too little for that matter). I guess I have a core fear that I have to maintain some kind of emotional balance that errs on the side of depression. That way, karma will repay me in my next life by blessing me with many virgins (seriously, why are virgins so valuable in the afterlife?) or cows.

I created an outfit for graduation day. I bought a dress yesterday, and took it to be altered today. I still need to have my earrings fixed. Everything fell apart at the beginning of the school year, and I've just kinda limped along ever since. Now I'm on the other side, and everything needs repair. Including me, probably.

Am I a white moderate?

It's only the beginning of March, but I'm tired. I'm ready for the school year to end. I'm ready to rest. Honestly, I'm less anxious when I'm not in school, more carefree. I feel no guilt for reading trashy books, and I feel no guilt for reading on my couch for days on end. Maybe I'll even do what I said I'd do last summer and put my hammock up in the backyard. Who knows what could happen?

I am feeling sick, but I want to stay up and watch more television and read more blog posts from my online friends. I think I need to parent myself and make myself go to bed early.

Martin Luther King Jr's "Letter from Birmingham Jail" came up today in a meeting. If you need some inspiration, I suggest reading it at some point. It's especially interesting to read what MLK had to say about "white moderates" and how they are blocking the path to true peace. It makes me wonder how I am behaving in this way. Am I ignoring injustice because it's inconvenient?

I'm gonna sleep on it. Peace out mofos.

Cigarette smoke = yuck

You've put me in a quandary, Jack Donaghy. A quandary.

Tracy Jordan

The past couple weeks, I have been the unwitting purchaser of cigarette smokey clothing and shoes. I am far more likely to smell things that are old, rather than items that are new or newer. I ended up buying five (!) pairs of cigarette smokey pants and one pair of very expensive french boots. I was able to wash the smell out of the pants, but I felt weird about the whole business. I am all for full disclosure, but I really don't like having to include the phrase: "When this item was purchased, it smelled like cigarette smoke."

I guess I'm adding sticking-my-face-in-pants to my regular thrifting ritual. It was not worth the time for those pants, but I didn't want to lose money, so I went through the effort of cleaning them, and in the end, it was no big deal. I don't know what I'm going to do with the boots yet. They're leather, and I've cleaned them with saddle soap, but that did nothing for the smell. I'm considering getting them professionally cleaned, but I don't know if it's worth it on my end to do that. But who would buy them if I didn't?

Lots of backbends

Yoga tonight was so intense for me. Backbends, backbends, backbends. A couple hours later, and I'm still kinda shaky. But I look forward to going every week. It's good, and calming, and all of the crap in my body is gone at the end of the class-it's all left on the mat.

I was sweating like crazy (it was hot and the room was packed). I was slipping all over the place, and my clothes weren't spongy enough to soak it up. I had to go to town on my mat when I got home-clean it up, get all the yuck off of it. Then I ate a lot to fill up my empty muscles.

Now I'm watching The Bachelor. My body feels great; sore, but great. I am full of rosemary focaccia, and chocolate, and soy milk. I am content and tired.

Obsessive behaviors

A friend of mine wrote her dissertation on Grace Livingston Hill.

It's been so long, but I'm back to Arrested Development. It's ridiculous the amount of television I consume. I think it confirms my status as a child of the 80s, or something like that. I definitely didn't watch a lot of TV when I was a kid. I was an obsessive reader. I loved anything serialized, because the story never ended. But television was out as an activity because it required me to be with other people.

I read the following series voraciously:

1. Anne of Green Gables (AS + GB = True Love)
2. The Boxcar Children (Um, making a boxcar into a home? Dream come true!)
3. Nancy Drew (Endless thrills down my spine)
4. Mandie (Christian series: Unloved orphan + endless mysteries = Awesomeness)
5. Babysitters' Club (Ah, the dream of being a "grown-up")
6. Babysitter's Little Sister (The step up system to addiction)
7. Laura Ingalls Wilder (Farmer Boy was always my favorite because of the food descriptions)

It's difficult for me to think about kids not having access to books the way I did. I always had books. Always. Books saved me. They kept me disassociated enough from life that I stayed somewhat sane. I read for the whole bus ride to school and back home (or snuck my cross-stitch on the bus until my illicit activity was discovered). I feel like this list doesn't adequately reflect the number of books I read, but this is all I can come up with off the top of my head.

The Bachelor is Slovenian!

 

The ultimate reality show about throwing people away: The Bachelor. Am I excited? Yes! And the ultimate plus of this season? The Bachelor is Slovenian!

Omg. I've just started watching the first episode and David Gray's This Year's Love is being played on the piano. Ridiculously ridiculous. Has a Bachelor ever made a relationship last? Nope. Ack! Now the bachelorettes are hating eachother! Delicious drama. Oh the things I will learn!

A relational non-savant

I didn't eat a terrible lot of pie over my holiday. I only had a couple pieces on Christmas day, and they were small. Mostly, I ate a ridiculous amount of Sees's Nuts & Chews. I feel no guilt. I even ate mostly milk chocolate, because they tasted better. I even think my digestion improved, even though my diet went downhill (absence of stress perhaps?). And whilst this was happening (i.e. the eating of the chocolates), I was watching football (not by choice) mixed with television marathons, which are my absolute favorite.

I have completely stopped watching Law & Order, even though it was available on multiple channels for hours on end. I just can't stand it. I think I was able to enjoy one episode that was just about burgling houses for silver, but I didn't even get to the end of it. Give me trash, smut, meaningless reality television. Give me The Bachelor, or anything with Kardashian in it. I feel no shame.

Plus I learn so much about relationships! For example, I learned that prior to marriage (emphasis on prior), a couple should discuss the following: religion, work, where to live, how to live, how many children, how they will be raised, where they will be raised, etc. Thank you Ryan Seacrest for producing these educational materials for me, a relational non-savant.

What have the Kardashians taught you lately?

"The WWE is not real, honey"

So, I love reality television.

1. Anything with Kardashian in it: Family members walk through the room when it's on and moan that I'm frying brain cells. Your complaints do not affect me, pious ones.
2. Bachelor/Bachelorette: This is best watched with others who enjoy watching and commenting on good vs. bad social interactions. This way, I figure that by the time I'm 40, I'll be able to date. By then, I'll have learned all the things not to do.
3. The Biggest Loser: I don't watch the newest season. I'm not even tempted to watch it without Jillian Michaels. She and Bob had perfect chemistry. I love watching people change, learn things about themselves that they never knew before, and get healthier.
4. Survivor: What does a liar look like? What does a trustworthy person look like? I have a lot of trouble reading facial expressions, so this is quite helpful to me.
5. So You Think You Can Dance? Teenagers reaching for their dreams? Enough said.
6. Work of Art: Awesome first season. Artists in competition? Chaos ensues.

But, I am also a discerning connoisseur. I choose carefully, and do not enjoy the following:

1. Real Housewives of anywhere: Mom, seriously? Turn it off. Turn it off right now.
2. Music competitions. This includes American Idol, which I only watch with my parents because they love it so much. They especially enjoy introducing the contestants to me.
3. Dancing with the Stars: That's what it's called right? The one where they take unknown soap opera actors and make them dance with midgets? All I know is that people don't like it because it's going to make all of our children transgendered. Now that's a reason to watch.

Hate reality television? Tell me why. I'd love to attempt empathy.