B I K R A M

Revue Eyeglass frames, from France!

My bff has become completely and totally a Bikram convert. She talks about it all the time. I've been hearing about it for three straight weeks. And since I'm already a wannabe yogi, I figured it was worth my time to give the whole thing a shot. I knew what I was getting into. It would be hot. I needed to be still. I needed to be prepared to sweat a lot without wiping it away, etc, etc. So I waited until I was actually up to the challenge, and went to the studio yesterday afternoon.

It felt like I walked into an oven. It felt oppressive without moving. I've lived in hot, humid places. I've exercised in said places. But I was not prepared for the heat of that room. It was unlike anything I have ever felt, save the moment I stepped off the plane into the equatorial heat of West Brazil six short years ago. But I was committed, and I didn't doubt that I could do it. And I was able to do the first maybe 25% of the poses, when I stood up and felt sick to my stomach. I knew my blood sugar had plunged, and I knew that I had to get out of that room, but the teacher told me to stay and sit, and I did not feel like I could do anything else. So I sat, and I sat, and held back tears that came out of nowhere.

Eventually, I caught the teacher's eye and asked if I could leave. Her response was not positive, but I was adamant. I knew I needed to check my blood sugar, and I needed to not feel so sick for another minute. I sat for a while in the front room, and drank my water. My sugar was 75, which is not pre-comatose, but not okay to keep going in the negative direction. I had to leave. I had to go home.

I wailed all the way home. It was bizarre. There were no feelings or thoughts associated with the wailing, just a raw, guttural noise from my soul. Eventually, it ended, and I ate dinner, and slept through the night.

It wasn't a good day to go, and I want to go back. But I don't know when I'll feel up to it. I think that heat is a really big stressor to my body, and I'll have to be in a perfect place blood-sugar and energy wise before I try again. It's difficult for me to accept defeat, even temporarily, but if I'm learning anything at this point in my life, it's that I need to have patience to get the things I want.

Peace out :)

Ridiculous morning.

Yeah, I sell art books. This one is on American Impressionists.

Ridiculous. That is what I am thinking right now. And that may be due to my usual insomnia-laced mania, or (more likely) it may be due to the fact that I woke up at 5am for an estate sale that ended up being SO overpriced, that I bought one thing. One thing! I was the first person in line! I think I mostly just feel silly for thinking that I was going to be able to purchase something for $1000 that ended up with an asking price of $4995. Silly me.

I did realize, as I was driving away, that I have not held up my end of the "no thrifting week". I bought a Starbucks solo coffee press at the estate sale this morning and a tape machine dispenser at a thrift store yesterday. I'd seen the tape dispenser weeks ago, then again when it hadn't sold, and I looked it up, thinking, "I wonder...". It was a good bet. Now I just need to figure out how to ship that darn thing. It will officially be the heaviest thing I have ever shipped. The last time I sold something really bulky that I didn't feel confident about, I went to the local office store, and had them pack it. I don't know why that made me feel better, but it did. We all know what trouble I have with packing :)

So all in all, I feel good. Today and tomorrow may be difficult, but I'm committed to working through my stuff (my inventory, not my emotional handicaps). No encouragements necessary, but all are appreciated, nonetheless.

Am I a white moderate?

It's only the beginning of March, but I'm tired. I'm ready for the school year to end. I'm ready to rest. Honestly, I'm less anxious when I'm not in school, more carefree. I feel no guilt for reading trashy books, and I feel no guilt for reading on my couch for days on end. Maybe I'll even do what I said I'd do last summer and put my hammock up in the backyard. Who knows what could happen?

I am feeling sick, but I want to stay up and watch more television and read more blog posts from my online friends. I think I need to parent myself and make myself go to bed early.

Martin Luther King Jr's "Letter from Birmingham Jail" came up today in a meeting. If you need some inspiration, I suggest reading it at some point. It's especially interesting to read what MLK had to say about "white moderates" and how they are blocking the path to true peace. It makes me wonder how I am behaving in this way. Am I ignoring injustice because it's inconvenient?

I'm gonna sleep on it. Peace out mofos.

Ah...sleep :)

Have you heard how wonderful sleep is? I've just gotten back on the train, and boy it is fantastic! Those dark circles? Gone. The hallucinations? Also gone. And the dreaming is wonderful again. No more wandering in dark forests. Sleep: It's a beautiful thing. I think I'll start an ad campaign. I am still watching Mad Men. After my "Get Sleep" campaign, I'll start my awesome "Get Insulin" campaign. Insulin? Do you have it? Because if you don't, you're really missing out. Insulin: It's a beautiful thing.

Peace out. I'm off for coffee with my favorite sleeper extraordinaire.