B I K R A M

Revue Eyeglass frames, from France!

My bff has become completely and totally a Bikram convert. She talks about it all the time. I've been hearing about it for three straight weeks. And since I'm already a wannabe yogi, I figured it was worth my time to give the whole thing a shot. I knew what I was getting into. It would be hot. I needed to be still. I needed to be prepared to sweat a lot without wiping it away, etc, etc. So I waited until I was actually up to the challenge, and went to the studio yesterday afternoon.

It felt like I walked into an oven. It felt oppressive without moving. I've lived in hot, humid places. I've exercised in said places. But I was not prepared for the heat of that room. It was unlike anything I have ever felt, save the moment I stepped off the plane into the equatorial heat of West Brazil six short years ago. But I was committed, and I didn't doubt that I could do it. And I was able to do the first maybe 25% of the poses, when I stood up and felt sick to my stomach. I knew my blood sugar had plunged, and I knew that I had to get out of that room, but the teacher told me to stay and sit, and I did not feel like I could do anything else. So I sat, and I sat, and held back tears that came out of nowhere.

Eventually, I caught the teacher's eye and asked if I could leave. Her response was not positive, but I was adamant. I knew I needed to check my blood sugar, and I needed to not feel so sick for another minute. I sat for a while in the front room, and drank my water. My sugar was 75, which is not pre-comatose, but not okay to keep going in the negative direction. I had to leave. I had to go home.

I wailed all the way home. It was bizarre. There were no feelings or thoughts associated with the wailing, just a raw, guttural noise from my soul. Eventually, it ended, and I ate dinner, and slept through the night.

It wasn't a good day to go, and I want to go back. But I don't know when I'll feel up to it. I think that heat is a really big stressor to my body, and I'll have to be in a perfect place blood-sugar and energy wise before I try again. It's difficult for me to accept defeat, even temporarily, but if I'm learning anything at this point in my life, it's that I need to have patience to get the things I want.

Peace out :)

I love Air Supply :)

Miniature oil painting - It reminds me of my home

Perhaps some of you wonderful readers remember last summer's heartaches and long posts about love, and longing, and loss, and "Oh! The meaning of it all", as I struggled through ex-boyfriends and trying to figure out how to be grown up.

I was watching Crazy, Stupid, Love for the second time yesterday, trying to turn my brain off in the midst of familial clatter. There was a lot of stuff in the movie about "soul-mates" and how when we find our soul-mate, we should never stop trying to be with them. I don't know how I feel about this. Just because we feel a certain way about another person, doesn't mean that that person feels anything similar to that for us. I don't believe in destiny or fate. I believe in human beings and the choices they make.

I'm a huge Air Supply fan (Making love out of nothing at all). I am a lover of cheesy '80s rock ballads. I'm ready for the time in my life when I can look backwards and think, "It was all worth it". I don't know if I've completely learned that lesson yet. I'm ready to be grown-up already. When does that happen?

Nope, won't buy it.

 

I feel like in order for me to feel good about myself in the world, and in business of any kind, I need to feel good about what I sell. That means not buying anything that I wouldn't feel good giving to another person. I don't like to speak ill of anyone or anything. I try to be as positive as possible on this blog. So I'm keeping the list very short.

1. Disney princess stuff: I just saw this dress on Pinterest and it made me shudder. More and more, I'm confused by the wedding obsession in our culture. I'm all for a party. Bring on the week-long party like in India! But there is something unsettling about the princess dress craze. Is it about being pretty? or is it about being the center of the universe? So it is my opinion that Disney princesses add to this unbalance, and I don't feel comfortable profiting from something I don't agree with. Even as I write this, I wonder where this feeling came from, and how I became so biased in this direction.

2. Weapons of any kind, or anything that promotes violence: That means no army men, or guns, or books that promote hate. That means no Rush Limbaugh or Ann Coulter. Actually, a lot of hate can be found in religious materials, so that means that a lot of "Christian" materials are also off the list. Again, even as I write this, I wonder where this is coming from. How many guns do I come across whilst thrifting? Fake guns? Toy guns? I feel like a tool right now. A judgmental tool.

3. Pornography: Um, this is a tough one. I love nudes. But I just don't feel comfortable sending something to someone I don't know. It makes me uncomfortable. It makes me feel responsible for that person, and I don't like taking on that responsibility.

Okay. I'm going to take Miss Judgey Face to bed now. Peace out.