Drunk teenagers

Vintage Peanuts bed-sheet - Charlie Brown & Snoopy :)

Yesterday, I hung out with drunk teenagers. It was 5 o'clock in the evening, and they wanted to start roaming the neighborhood, so I accompanied them. We went to the park, swung on the swings, and generally had a nice time. They were overly affectionate and making friends with people they referred to as "hobos", as in, "Hobos sure are cool, Megan." Eventually, I decided I'd had enough and turned for home. Once we were inside an enclosed space, I immediately wanted them to leave. I wanted to sit with adults and eat dinner, and not have teenagers screaming in my ear.

At one point in my life, I too was a stupid drunk teenager. I drank a lot in high school, and by the time I graduated, was pretty much done with the scene. I got to college, and it seemed so strange to me. Where was the fun? Where did I fit in if I didn't drink? How could I be social and well-liked, but not have to go to worship night and sing hymns? It never seemed like there were other options, so I played the part. A close friend regales me with stories of me at parties, drunk and topless, which I have no memory of.

I drank for the same reason most people do. I drank to get away from feeling lost and alone. I drank to fit in. I drank to pretend that everything in my life was okay, and that I wasn't miserable all the time. It worked. But it also brought out my selfishness, and my tendency to be unkind. I was too honest, unfiltered, and passed out quickly. I was like a tornado, spinning quickly through the room, spreading loads of damage, then disappearing into the night.

I don't miss those days. I don't miss feeling so awful, hating myself so incredibly much. I like myself today, and I strive to spend my time in a way that encourages self-love and discourages self-loathing. Oftentimes, I am too hard on myself, and I expect more of myself than I do of anyone else. But sometimes I get it right, and then on a rare occasion think, "Gosh I'm glad to be alive". But that's not today. I'll try again tomorrow.

Peace out :)

Postscript (10/21/12): I in no way contributed to the teenagers being drunk, just in case you worrywarts are having anxiety.

Grad plans #1

My outfit plan for graduation:

1. Orange linen dress from Salvation Army, altered from a long dress (for a less tall person) to a mid-knee dress, perfect for moi. I got the thumbs-up from the seamstress when I tried it on. She was super sweet. I love that I found a good eco-friendly dry cleaner next to a good shoe repair shop. An extra plus? There's a post office there too :)
2. Pearl earrings, a gift from my friends who traveled to India my first year at the seminary. They need to be fixed so I can wear them.
3. Turquoise beaded sandals, thrifted a few months ago when it was definitely not sandal weather. They're so awesome, I can't stand it.
4. My new red ring! I sold some Frye boots, so I had enough money to cover it. I didn't expect to do it before graduation, but then I got antsy when I found exactly what I wanted.
5. I'd like to have my hair done up. It's still pretty short, but I think that if I have enough bobby bins, I'll be fine. Here is something that resembles the look I'm going for. I don't know if I can make it work, but I'm gonna try.

I needed to make a plan to orient myself to a time of celebration. Now I need to figure out how to have a party, even though I'm not really a party girl. How can I incorporate recycling into a fun-for-all soiree?

Nope, won't buy it.

 

I feel like in order for me to feel good about myself in the world, and in business of any kind, I need to feel good about what I sell. That means not buying anything that I wouldn't feel good giving to another person. I don't like to speak ill of anyone or anything. I try to be as positive as possible on this blog. So I'm keeping the list very short.

1. Disney princess stuff: I just saw this dress on Pinterest and it made me shudder. More and more, I'm confused by the wedding obsession in our culture. I'm all for a party. Bring on the week-long party like in India! But there is something unsettling about the princess dress craze. Is it about being pretty? or is it about being the center of the universe? So it is my opinion that Disney princesses add to this unbalance, and I don't feel comfortable profiting from something I don't agree with. Even as I write this, I wonder where this feeling came from, and how I became so biased in this direction.

2. Weapons of any kind, or anything that promotes violence: That means no army men, or guns, or books that promote hate. That means no Rush Limbaugh or Ann Coulter. Actually, a lot of hate can be found in religious materials, so that means that a lot of "Christian" materials are also off the list. Again, even as I write this, I wonder where this is coming from. How many guns do I come across whilst thrifting? Fake guns? Toy guns? I feel like a tool right now. A judgmental tool.

3. Pornography: Um, this is a tough one. I love nudes. But I just don't feel comfortable sending something to someone I don't know. It makes me uncomfortable. It makes me feel responsible for that person, and I don't like taking on that responsibility.

Okay. I'm going to take Miss Judgey Face to bed now. Peace out.

If wishes were fishes...

I really wish that I could honor Sugar's coming-out party with some kind of awesome essay. I wish a lot of things. For instance, I wish that my senior paper would be as awesome as I want it to be. I wish...okay, those are really my only wishes at the moment, and they're both writing-related. How funny is that?

Be well my friends :)

First Post of 2012!

When I get stuck, I blog. I'd been posting every day for months last year, and towards the end of the year, I ran out of steam.

Well, I've been thinking sporadically about my senior paper now for weeks and haven't been processing it anywhere, so here I am again at the place where I do my best thinking. It may not be pretty at first, but hang tight, I'll get back into the swing of things before you know it.

It's January 2012 now, and December 2011 is behind us. Interesting things happened last month. Here are a few of my favorites:

• I intentionally took time off from work - Wowzah!
• I got attacked at a Hanukkah party by a crazy alcoholic - And successfully spoke my mind!
• I acted like a teenager and started watching Roswell - Sci-Fi baby!
• I sold a lot of stuff on eBay and Etsy - Best sales month ever!

Here are a few of my favorite Christmas presents:

• A Daniel Day-Lewis movie
• An Etsy favorite nude that I've been admiring for ages
• Money for thrifting that I've already spent, and quite happily

The thoughts I am having for my senior paper revolve around being human, experiencing unwanted or "negative" emotions fully, and acknowledging grief. I have ideas, but I don't have a plan. I have a graduation date, but I don't have a clear road-map for how I am going to get there. I feel unsettled about many things, and the future is only looking more and more murky as the days go by. Bleh.

All in all, taking a vacation has only been excruciating. I so depend on feeling productive that when I intentionally stop doing anything, in order to rest and regroup, I do not rest; I get depressed and confused. I get cranky and easily frustrated. Everything and everyone makes me unhappy. At some point, I ease into it, but by the time that happens, it's time to return to my regular scheduled programming. Damn it all.

Welcome back! I hope that some time in the new year, you find rest for your soul, time to reflect upon life and love and where you are in the world. At the very least, light a candle, and thank your higher power for another year of life, however thankful you may actually be. Living is always hard, but it's also sometimes beautiful, and that's worth another year.