Everything is okay. I'm not insane.

Thrift store oil painting - there's just something about it I love :)

I had a less-than-wonderful day yesterday. Maybe it's the pending end-of-the-world. Maybe it's the fog, or the rain, or the fiscal cliff. Maybe it's the holiday season. Maybe it's the last month of unnecessary and expensive medical tests. Maybe it's female hysteria.

Whatever it was, it was something I'd done before, and something I'll do again. So I went and hung out with my favorite teenagers and the dogs. I went to bed early. I left work early. I wandered my favorite thrift store until Bruno Mars came on the radio and I had to flee. I took pictures of inventory in my driveway. I made jokes to make myself laugh. I reflected a wee bit about the source of my bad feelings. I listened to talk radio and Madman Across the Water. I did the things that make me feel better, bit by bit.

So that's life sometimes, and it's okay, to be sad and a little crazy sometimes. I'm probably a little crazier that most people, but I'm pretty fond of myself most of the time.

Hope all is well with you. Peace out mofos :)

Delusional hope.

I can't decide whether to give these to my shoe-loving friend for Christmas.

I think I've decided (for a brief moment of time) to be hopeful, for the future, because why not? Hope might be silly, and embarrassing sometimes, but it's tangible. There is no ephemeral hope. There is only hope for change, hope for better, hope for something different already, geez.

I often hope for a day without war, without violence in name and deed. I hope for this because I believe that we, the people, have the power to change the world for the better.

There's nothing better for fostering hope than staring through the window of a moving car (or train, if you're so lucky). That's how I get recentered, I guess, seeing the same scenery I've been seeing all my life, the same highway, the same crazy religious signs, the same oleander bushes. And I think to myself, "Well maybe I could change, maybe things could change a little, and everything would be okay".

I have hope that emptiness will be filled, that loss would be redeemed, and that someday, everything will make sense already, geez.

Peace out :)

The brain fog.

Tape dispensing machine. I love those pretty buttons :)

I am in such a brain fog right now. Yesterday was super windy here in my fair city, and our cherry tree broke in half. I heard something fall against my window, and walked outside to see what it was. By the time I made it to the front door, I'd forgotten why I was there. I didn't see the tree until someone pointed it out to me later. I went to yoga soon after, hoping that some static poses would do well for my static-filled brain.

Being out of school does not bother me. I can fill time like no one's business. But my brain is not my friend. I forget things. I can't think. I spend whole minutes staring at the ceiling. I used to do that because I was depressed. Now it feels like I'm resting my brain, but I haven't done anything to rest from. A friend, who also just graduated from a masters program, told me that her blood pressure was suddenly hovering at a ridiculously low level. I think that this is what biofeedback is all about. Our bodies are telling us that they need to rest, and even though it feels like a complete turn-about from where we've just been, it is a necessary part of the recovery process.

I was in school for the better part of five years, and I got pressed to limits I didn't know I had. So now, I'm just going to stare at the ceiling for a while, because I forgot what this paragraph was going to be about.

Peace out mofos.

Hyphy.

A wonderful vintage quilting book with really great ideas :)

I'm a little hyper right now. When I don't get enough sleep, that tends to happen. Whatever. I finally started cleaning out my clothes, so I'm using it to my benefit. Maybe I'll put this energy to good use and walk to the grocery store later (two birds baby).

An ongoing conversation I'm having has hit a road marker for me. I've had to state very bluntly my position on drugs, and I don't know that I've ever had to do that before with anyone. It's interesting what becomes a part of one's internal identity mapping. I imagine that some people feel this way about other things, very different things. Maybe some vegans put veganism on the line for a person they love; maybe some vegans put love on the line for the cows. I believe in compromise, and shared results, and it is my hope that someday my crazy will be just spunky enough to be attractive without being overwhelming. I think I may be hitting my stride right about now.

USB Rechargeable Batteries!

 

So on my 'to-do' list this week is to take my batteries to the recycler, but then I discovered that the location I've been planning to take them to has stopped receiving them. I needed a solution, and fast! My battery jar was full, and it needed to be un-full. So I did some research to find a better place, and came across the new solution in rechargeable batteries! I am peeing my pants right now with excitement, and I hope you do too.

The only thing I use AA batteries for is my camera, and I take a lot of pictures for my stores, so I'm constantly needing them. This will cut down on my waste SO FREAKIN MUCH. I'm so excited. I've already bought a case of two, and when they arrive, I will have a USB rechargeable battery party.

I hope you can come!