No one asked for this.

The following statements may make you shudder. I don't know you all that well, so please bear with me. This is a personal thing for every person, a decision that no one does or should make lightly. The decision is whether or not to have children, or more specifically bear children.

When I was a child, I learned about overpopulation, and it seemed like a perfect time for me to decide not to have kids. After all, from my experience, families weren't all that great, so I'd be doing myself and the rest of the world one big favor. Well, I was a kid, a kid without hormones. And now I am an adult, one big grown-up, and boy have things changed. Could I care about overpopulation? Not much.  I figure that a couple won't hurt anyone. But that's not true.

For every child that I bear on my own, I have to raise: feed, clothe, emotionally support, etc. That child, once brought into the world, is in it. They didn't ask to be, but they are, and it will be my responsibility to care for them. Now that's all well and good. I want children. I (hopefully) have the capacity to bear children; great. But just like my vocation, I choose my personal familial set-up based on a higher ethic. I do not only think of myself and my own needs when I bring a child/ren into the world. My faith informs me that I am not an island, and in knowing that, I lose the blasé attitude that what I do doesn't and shouldn't matter to anyone else.

There are children in the world who already need homes, and they aren't all in China, or Ethiopia, or Guatemala. They're around the corner from your house. They're living in a broken foster care system whose only hope is the faithful action of millions. It may not be a childhood dream of mine, but it's the reality I face as an adult. And right now, I'm not in a place to have a child, but when I am, this reality will weigh heavily on my decision.

You can read more here about people who make this same decision, but for other reasons.

For more information about foster-adoption in your area, search with your specific state or county.

Theology and Sexuality

This weekend, I am taking a class on Sexual Addictions. I'm taking it, not because I need the class for any requirement, but because I don't feel like I have any sense of what sexual addiction is about, whether it is different from other addictions, and if so, how and why?

I would really like to write about the theology of sexuality, like dissertation write about it. I have come to such a different place in my heart through my years at the seminary. But I feel like it's off-limits in a way. For example, there are women writers who write about sex and theology, who even do it well. Yet, in spite of this, the podcast I received this week, that we were to listen to before class, mentioned ZERO women. You read that right, zero. I was offended. I still am.

But there's something about women writing about sex that seems like too much to us. Men talking about sex can be academic, scriptural, biblical, etc. Women talking about sex could be emotional, laden with the possibility for innuendo. Women are seen as sexual objects and are thus even at greater risk for being misunderstood and vilified for their brashness. We read the words, but we see breasts, breasts, breasts. Yikes.

This (i.e. writing about theology and sexuality) is not my calling in life right now, though it is a passion of mine. If I have a "calling", I don't know what it is.

[Sidenote: Now that I'm in my final year at the seminary, I'm flooded with this language of calling. "Has he been called?" "Have they called her yet?" "We've decided not to call you." I'm not a fan. Calling is by God, no? So for something that is God-driven, we throw our weight around an awful lot on the issue.]

I wish we could talk about sexuality more freely. I wish that we weren't still wrestling with the topic of gender (and by we, I mean a large percentage of the Church). We're still talking about ordaining women, when we should be talking about issues of justice in our larger environments and the Church's effect on the World. But there we sit in our small churches, arguing about women in the pulpit. Bleh. It makes me crazy.

So I enter this weekend with hope that I will be surprised, but concerned that I won't be. Updates later.