Ack! Good lord, what's wrong with you?

Vintage Salvatore Ferragamo loafers

Okay, so picture this (maybe you can close your eyes and have it read aloud to you): I have electrodes taped and glued all over my head and chest, wires attached. There is a stretchy knit cap (like a stocking - if I put it all the way over my face, it looks like I'm about to rob a bank) that goes over the wires. I usually have big hair, and it's all plastered down under this stocking, and electrodes and hairs are poking out all over the place.

The stocking cap makes me hot during the night, so I have this weird, "I've been sweating a lot" look to me. And of course, I have no bra on, so there's that. Then, on top of it all, and the whole, "Hey, I just woke up look",  I'm carrying around this fanny-pack-thing with extra wires and it's probably holding up part of my shirt.

You're the mailman, and it's Saturday, and all you want to do is hand me bulky mail that won't fit through the slot, so you ring the bell, and then I open the door.

It's only 9am. Good lord, what did you do to deserve this?