Talk yourself down from the Cliff

I am neurotic, like to the n-th degree. I'm more intense than the other intense people I know. This gets me into trouble, a lot. I overwhelm potential employers because it seems like I'm questioning their competence. I overwhelm significant others because when I want something, I want it now. I overwhelm my friends because I always tell the truth, no matter the personal cost. And I overwhelm my family because I'm me, all the time.

It has taken me a long time to not hate myself for this quality, to love myself and all my parts. I don't know how to not be me, how to get rid of the things that other people don't like simply because I care about them enough to adjust my behavior. This is ridiculously hard for me to do. So I am trying, but it's agony. It means a lot of not-doing and not-saying things that I would like to do and say, all in the interest of other people.

I need help. Sometimes thrifting helps. It helps me get out the energy without throwing it at other people. It helps me channel my intensity into productivity. Most of the time this works really well, as long as I don't let myself become overwhelmed. There's a point at which I can feel my eyes glaze over, and I just want to lay down and sleep. I have to talk myself out of the building. Maybe when I feel this way in other areas of my life, I could talk myself down as well.

I'm gonna go do that right now.