"I'm so lost without you"

So I love Air Supply, like love them. I listened to their original Greatest Hits as I ran at night in college. I'd measure out a mile and run laps and listen to Air Supply on my Walkman. For some reason, I always ran at night. I'd get energy at dark, and then I'd hit the pavement in my dorky running shorts and ridiculously long legs. I'd always wanted to be a distance runner, so I figured I'd finally found the perfect opportunity of desperate loneliness and pitiful self-hatred. I think I alternated between that tape and James Taylor's 1985 album, "That's Why I'm Here". I never felt scared of running at night. I don't do it anymore. I fell one too many times. All of my knee scarring is from falling on asphalt, hard.

I don't always listen to music now when I go walking. Sometimes I listen to podcasts, but lately, I've been leaving my headphones at home. I like to spend the time arguing with myself. It gets out a lot of junk that I can leave behind and feel release at the end of the day, like I'm not holding onto stuff I have no business holding onto. It's become my "crazy thinking time". I do all of the crazy thinking when I can go in any and every direction without worrying that I won't be able to come back from it. I walk back in the door and it's done. Walking is my therapeutic container for the day.

My crazy then goes off into the night sky, off into the atmosphere, then gets sucked into the sun and burns up. Take that world.