The Lure of NEW

I've gone from worrying about giving up thrift for a man to going to IKEA tomorrow and containing my bouncing desire to go into debt with new furniture for my new super-small apartment. I want a new bed, and a new mattress, and lots of fun containers and shelving. I will not get all of these things. I'm not that rich.

This past week, I had to let go of something I've loved for a very long time. I had to let go so that I could fully move on with my life, put all my trust in God, etc. But giving up what I love in the interest of the greater good, the Kingdom and what not, makes me squirm. I start to feel entitled. "Oh yeah God? You have the nerve to ask me to to do that after all that I've done for you lately?" God and I really get into it, or I get into it by myself while God patiently listens. Either way, it's cathartic.

I think it's okay to want things, but I think that what makes me uncomfortable is the need for those things. There is a lot that I want that I may never be able to have, but when I rest my hope on getting things I want, rather than on the future hope of total universal redemption, I don't get to share in the joy of God's plan. I end up disatisfed and bitter because I haven't gotten my way. This is impossible stuff, mind you. I have no power over my own wants, but I can make choices that reflect my dependence upon God, rather than my dependence upon my own power.

Sermon over. Peace out.