I know my city's thrift culture like no other. I know where to find things, where the sales are, where the best volunteers and employees are, etc. I know my stuff. So I attacked this project with glee. I figured I could work all summer and see significant progress before I went back to school in August to complete my final year of my graduate program. But nothing has happened. So little has happened, in fact, that I've stopped doing anything. I put my heart on my sleeve in everything I do, especially in this, and now I feel defeated, completely defeated.
The churches in this city are busy, busy, busy with ministries. I have gotten the rude brush-off countless times simply because I wanted to talk about the possibility of a store. People saw me and ran in the other direction. I got yelled at once. And I'm not being down on myself in every aspect of this either. I did really well, and I've learned an awful lot, but I have nothing to show for my efforts.
If I could do it myself, I would. But that's impossible. The magnitude of the project is great. Opening a store to be run almost entirely by volunteers is a big deal. And I am small. So right now, I'm believing that if God wants it to be done, it can be done with or without my help. This means being a little bit more spiritual (or a lot) than I typically am. So all summer, in the face of several things I have no control over, I finish each day with this prayer.
Receive oh Lord, all my liberty.
Take my memory, my understanding, and my entire will.
Whatsoever I have or possess, thou hast bestowed upon me;
I give it all back to thee and surrender it wholly to be governed by thy will.
Give me love for thee alone, along with thy grace, and I am rich enough and ask for nothing more.
-St. Ignatius Loyola
You've worked really hard on this. Thanks for putting yourself out there :)
ReplyDelete