Macaroni

Chapter 9

Bebe brought hot cocoa to the store on Wednesday morning and she and Scottie listened to election results on the radio. Scottie was ecstatic that certain propositions had or hadn't passed, and Bebe was reticent to discuss the election at all. Between the election and her time listening to Rush with Scottie, Bebe was all mixed up in her head. She didn't know how to communicate with her children, how to talk to her friends anymore. She was a registered democrat and a marcher for women's rights and she was finding herself wondering if she was really pro-life.

That night, when the kids went to bed, Bebe called her mother. Joan was a lifelong republican, and both of Bebe's parents were happy to talk about politics, except Bebe was usually the one who changed the subject. She had convinced herself that they all disagreed, and that any discussion of politics would end in a fight, so she stopped every conversation before they started and this made any conversations stilted and halting.

"Mom, I think I might be becoming conservative and I don't know what to do."

Joan laughed. "Honey, tell me all about it. What's going on?"

Bebe continued. "Well it started in college. I went to school and I got really excited about politics, about being different from you and Dad. I went to rallies and meetings and signed up for clubs, and I felt great! I felt like I was making a difference, making calls, volunteering, marching. And I got sick seeing the anti-abortion signs on the quad that the religious people brought in. I figured I was through and through progressive, liberal, whatever, and that you and Dad had brought me up and I'd just gone a different way. When Casey and I got married, it seemed like he was attracted to that part of me, like I was a rebel, and I liked that. Now I'm rethinking all of it. I'm feeling disconnected and sick of myself. I wore a vagina hat! I marched for women's rights! Now I'm feeling like a fraud. That's not who I really am, Mom. And I don't know what to do about it."

Joan sighed. "Sweetheart, it's normal to want to challenge where you come from, to try to set off on your own and be different. Me and Dad saw you doing that and we hated it and it was your choice. I wish I'd said something sooner. I was scared that I'd step on your toes. You're an adult. You're a wife. You're a mom. The least I can do is support you in what you believe. I absolutely believe that we raised you right. We made plenty of mistakes, but all in all, I believe we did what was best for you."

Bebe rolled her eyes. She felt like they were communicating, in part, and talking over each other too. They ended up talking for thirty minutes about the election, and the kids, and then Bebe got off to go to bed.