Macaroni

Chapter 6

"So what's the deal with you wanting to be away from your kids?" Scottie asked the question on everyone's mind. It wouldn't have been weird if Bebe talked about her kids, or showed pictures. But she acted like they didn't exist. She mentioned the babysitter and paying the babysitter, and calling the babysitter. But never the kids. And Scottie thought that was odd, or off, and it bothered him.

"I want to not be a mother for a few hours a week," Bebe answered, and that wasn't the answer she wanted to give. She wished she could flower it up, make it sound better, make herself out to be the better mom she imagined herself becoming some day. "I want to pretend like I have no children, like my life isn't the way it actually is. I want to not be a mother." And she started to cry. She felt ashamed, and sad, and proud of herself for being so honest with another person when she spent so much time lying to herself about how tired and miserable and missing her husband she was all day every day. She wished she could communicate all of those feelings right now to Scottie, and she tried, and then started to cry harder.

Scottie nodded his head. "You're overwhelmed. That's normal. I've met a lot of young mothers in my life and the early years are the hardest. They're the best and they're the hardest. And it's normal to want to get out and pretend like you're a different person, create a new personality even! And it seems you've done all of the above."

Bebe took a deep breath, and Scottie handed her a box of the good Kleenex, and she blew her nose several times, and made a nice pile on the countertop.

He continued. "But above all of your personality issues honey, you are a mother, and you don't get to quit being a mother, ever. You are a mother every moment of every day for the rest of your life, whether you like it or not. You don't get to take a break from that. You can be here, and work here, and do your very best here at the antique shop, but you don't get to use this place to pretend like you're something you're not. I won't allow it. That's not what I hired you for."

Bebe cried harder. She just got something good in her life and now it sounded like she might lose it.